Guide to eliminating fear and welcoming confidence!

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Guide to eliminating fear and welcoming confidence!

Post by panchester07 » 17 Jan 2010, 06:48

Killing Fear…
Hey guys, today I wanted to write a Little mini-guide on how to eliminate fear. Those thoughts in our mind that make us so anxious, make us act so weird, make us want to run away, make us look like crap, and make us unworthy of our talent. Fear, like all emotions, provokes a series of reactions that are well-known like fast heart beat, heat waves, sweat etc. Mentally it also limitates your capability buy a long shot, it creates confusion, it gives you obsessive ideas, diminishes your capability of thinking right and clearly etc.

A good example is when you fear heading a 50-50 ball to end up getting hurt, or not heading it, or heading it the wrong way. Fear basically drains all your potential, diminishes it greatly, and even makes you act sh*tty. I hope everybody has this clear, you don’t need fear, it only makes you act crappy.

My dad use to put all eyes on me when I was little at the time of pouring some water. When I spilt it, he would yell at me like if it was the end of the world, and make me feel like crap. Not surprisingly I developed a fear of pouring the water in front of him, and consequently I spilt it most every time. Similarly, you must have a fear of your own, on a particular area, that makes you perform below your standards undoubtly, and that most be canceled NOW.

Now that I have mentioned how terrible fear is to have, and how negative it effects are on anyone who has it (basically denies you what you always want making you perform badly), I would like to explore the ways to cure it.. But first, I think its necessary for me to comment a bit, on popular ways to treat fear, that are wrong ways to do it and are only temporarily effective at the most.

Running Away
Has to be the most common way that people treat their anxieties, doubts (fears). Face to face with the danger (real or imaginary), the person flees or tries avoiding the person or thing that makes them feel fearful. Its not an entirely bad method, specially when it comes to physical fears like a criminal that wants to attack you etc. If you have to pass by a “bad-area” where there are criminals, and you so happen to encounter one, running away is your best option. Now if you live in this bad area, your going to have to develop a different strategy on how to treat this fear. Anyone can conclude that running away, isn’t a good way of treating your anxiety(fear) if your going to have to encounter it frequently. Running away from things that we encounter daily is very harmful and some times impossible. You cant say, well im worried about what others think of me therefore “im gonna stay home and limit my social activities”. Also the more you run away from your fear, the bigger it gets, and also you are living a life full of worries when you should be enjoying it out there. By running away you don’t realize that your fear is probably harmless or that it is much better than what it seems.

Other people which are mildly aware that their fear is just created in their personal thoughts, apply this method called di-version. It consists in replacing one fearful thought for another, or distracting your mind from the fear. This method can be used sometimes when your fear is small, just a little worry or something. This method is good for covering one thought for another, but the fear is still there, its just covered by another one.
If for example I am worried when I go to the dentist and he is going to remove a teeth, then I can di-verse from this and focus my thoughts on a beautiful carribean sea, its possible that to relax a bit, this will be enough. But when the “fearful” event, is something like going for a slidding tackle (something much more common than a dentist), this method proves to be inefficient and tiring. Having to fight your thoughts everyday is exhausting, and at the end of the day your fears and worries are still right there. And its hard, for example, to everytime your going to tackle a player, for you to focus on something else and di-verse.

Many people, use this method too, with a prescription from these famous psychiatrists and mental health doctors (health my ass), that use drugs, baptized with the name of “medicine”. The down side to these are numerous. First you have the dependence, you are going to depend on a damn drug your whole life. You cant depend on a drug and its effect on you just because your scared of facing your fears, of talking in public etc. Secondly, it might become a habbit, and habits are very hard to rid of, also once the effect isn’t good enough you might want to try other “prescription meds” etc. Third money, you shouldn’t have to spend money on your happiness and your confidence this should be free. Also the countless physical effects like hormone level variations, postration, decline etc. The same is the truth about other drugs that need no prescription like alcohol, weed etc. These produce more negative effects than positive ones, and once again you will live the worse life ever if you DEPEND on a drug for happiness or confidence, trust me I had my alcohol – dependency days. A good example of alcohol dependency to be happy is my uncle, he is never happy with out a drink in his hand. He is always thinking what are we going to drink wherever we go? He cant have 1 or 2 neither, he has to have 10 to be okay. With out a drink, he is an angry intimidating fellow that yells at his daughters for no reason etc. Give him a drink and watch him entertain a party, do nice thins etc. So this method sucks too, don’t depend on drugs to overcome fear.

Other people believe expression is the key to overcome fears. I think this one is pretty much outdated and obvious its not the solution. Anyway this one is when you go to a “mental health expert” and you yell out all your troubles, everything that is bugging you, you vomit all your fears, yell them in a loud tone to “get them out”. Ive tried this method, I do feel better after yelling and releasing those thoughts and anxieties, but the original ideas that give origine to those anxieties are still there, you cut the branches but the tree is still there. So it might be a Tylenol, but the cold is still in your system.
After discussing all the traps some people use to face their fears, and insecurities, we can move on to the effective way of removing fear.
Remember you have all the capabilities you need “everything you need is already inside”, your fear is just that constant negative thought that is keeping you in that particular area from succeeding.

It’s the cheapest and less dramatic way, you don’t have to spend money on drugs, or permanently be running away from your fear. This might be the most intense method, but it’s the only method that will kill your fear.
In this method you confront your negative ideas or beliefs aka “fears” with real life ideas. Read carefully, the irrational fear in your mind, is put vs the real life things. I.E fear of heights because you might fall, you are put on a high story building to show yourself, demonstrate to yourself with actual facts, that its nothing to be afraid of. Basically your irrational fear, vs. rational life.
Confrontation has some traps that some people use and get lost in by error.

The first trap is positive thinking, yes positive thinking helps, but you cant think man I can beat everybody in this team with my left leg. You need realistic positive thinking: “Hey, I did this before that day, ill do it again, also Juanito already did it, so I should be able to do it”. Its realistic motivational things like this that do the trick, not a fairy tale the mind will never believe.

The second trap you should avoid when it comes to confrontation is the trap of wanting fast an stable results in short time. This trap, leads many chaps of trying hard the first days, seeing nothing and quitting rapidly because loss of motivation.

You should know that your fears have been in your mind for a while, and that replacing them might take weeks, but it is totally achievable if you consistently confront them fiction (fear) vs reality.

Its like chopping an oak tree, your not going to chop it down with a few blows, you need consistent confrontation to kill that fear, but trust me its all worth it, all your ambitions pretty much depend on eliminating fear, and welcoming confidence right?

Contracts and Reinforcements
To help the confrontation of fears consistent, a goo method is to practice the techniques of contract and the one of reinforcements.

Contract is basically to right down the decision and make a contract with yourself, to confront your fear say 5 times a day. 5 times a day, I will talk to hot girls to loose my fear of rejection. Now that its in a contract its more official than just a thought in your mind, now its legit.
Reinforcements are just like little self motivators to get your daily confrontations in. Since its easier to say than to do or not to do, reinforcements are there to push us a bit. Here are a few examples of reinforcements.

Mr Johnson, is afraid of driving cars because he crashed twice. His contract says he will drive the car 5 times a day short distances to confront and loose that fear. If he doesn’t do this, he will not have dinner for example.

Ms Rodriguez, is terrified of coming out of the closet. To confront this fear she will tell people 10 times a day, that she is sexually inclined towards women. If she does she will treat herself to a dinner in a fancy restaurant.
Notice how reinforcements can be either positive or negative. Johnson, decided to sacrifice something if he doesn’t get his confrontations done. Rodriguez, decided to enjoy a benefit. Some say positive reinforcements are the ones that work the most, I believe a combination of both is the best.

Do you have a dream? To achieve anything in life you need to confront fear, granted somethings might be easier than others in everysingle thing you have accomplished even tying your shoes you have to had had a little faith in yourself at first, until it became almost automatic. To eliminate fear you dont need drugs, running away, or even positive thinking (temporarilly work but the root will still be there)..

To enjoy the highest levels of confidence you need to loose fear, to loose fear you need to confront it face to face. Make a plan to confront your fear so many times a day, that thing that makes you terrified, go to battle against it. I personally care to much about what others think. Im going to confront this fear by facing public opinion daily and realizing it doesnt bite, and that im still alive after it.

Also, reward yourself after you confront your fear, and punish yourself if you dont, those are a few motivators to go face it.

Dont you wish you had the pretty girl? Dont you wish you could go through the world fearless? Dont you wish to be a better brother or sister? Man whatever you wish it should be yours, no fear should be in the way, confront fear today!!!!

I must conclude with saying, that barely any psychologist or psychiatrist is ever gonna tell you this. They might go on about you having phobias, might tell you to think positive, or might recommend you to some therapy,but none of these bastards really do anything, no one can do it for you, when you have that fear its like a weights in your shoulders, thats slowing you down, no Doctor, nobody can remove it from your brain. You have to prove to your own brain that the situation is cool and you can act comfortably in it, if you dont you will see losses in every aspect from money to friends, to weight issues to everything :S..

Note: this work isnt finished, I just wanted to post that for now because I dont know I wanted to post it.... Thats that and its still "in construction". Tell me if you like it or what you think about it, tell me what its lacking and maybe if I know about it I can add it.. Will be finished before 24 hours pass .. Thats a promise!
to know Him is to want to know Him more"

"i don't know where the limit is, but I know where it is not"

Tocar y moverse y tratarla siempre muy muy bien..'

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Post by LiveTheDream » 17 Jan 2010, 08:08

Nice work Panchester, I like this a lot! Looking forward to whatever you choose to add to it! :D
Don't wish things were easier...

... Wish you were better

Focus on the journey, and the result will take care of itself

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Joined: 27 Aug 2007, 04:25

Post by panchester07 » 18 Jan 2010, 16:22

hey sorry I didnt post it, I had kind of a brain fart... I kind of got stuck between theories in my head, and im finding answers, Im confusing fears, with habits and believes and ideas... Ill post up soon what my conclusion is
to know Him is to want to know Him more"

"i don't know where the limit is, but I know where it is not"

Tocar y moverse y tratarla siempre muy muy bien..'

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