Man I feel your pain, but I don't know what advice to give you. Just try and talk to those close to you about it...This is going to be long but feel free to read my story.
When I was 12-15 I lived with just my Dad and barely seen my Mum due to her working away. from the ages of 11-13 I used to end up staying awake till 12 or later listening to my Dad and Step Mom, figthing, using disgusting lanuage to one another, you get the picture..I think they thought I was asleep but I just used to lay awake listening to it, I can actually remember one time where I sat at the top of the stairs for a few hours listening to them downstairs, and then ran back to my room when I heard the door open.
They eventually divorced and I didn't understand this but my Dad took it really badly. He became an alcoholic when I was 13-15 and I missed out on a sh*t load of things. I was too embarresed to invite friends from school over because he used to get so drunk and pass out in the conservatory, and every night i'd stay up confused as to why he was acting like it..so I used to go to school every day tired and getting told off for not doing homework, blah blah.
I actually once thought he was diabetic because he used to drink, and also eat sh*t loads, so when I came in from practice id see him passed out with food on him..I realise now that obviously wasnt true but I just couldnt accept he was an alcholic.
The sh*tty thing about the whole thing was, I didn't tell anybody. I kept it all in, I seen my mum twice a week and she'd be like "hii, how's life, hows your dad (im sure she knew something was up) and I just used to say..i'm fine and move on.
My brother and sister had just moved out too to travel around the world together, so I was in this by myself, and nobody knew anything was wrong, and I think my dad forgot about it the next day.
One day after playing sh*t loads of football I was tired and watching the Football on TV, it was about 11:30 at night and my dad was meant to be at a wedding party, luckily my sister was home, because what happened next would be diffucult for anyone to take. Nevermind a 15 year old. The doorbell rang and as I opened it I see two police officers, they explained my dad had been in a car crash, I feared the worst, and they wanted to know if I'd seen him.
We rang his mobile over and over, he didn't get home till about 2 am and he had cuts all over his head, he was completely hammered and was a compulsive liar. Alcohol can be a disgusting substance at times... My sister and I asked where he'd been and he completely lied and said he'd walked home from the party, my sister broke into tears and told him police had been, he then told us to f off to bed and walked to his room...
Next day, he claims he was sober and was in denial about the past 5 years of his life. He said "I seen a rabbit so i swerved and crashed my car"
But at least my family knew what I was going through now, my sister wrote him a letter and my brother too. It's the only way he'd listen, when we spoke to him he denied everything and made up lies for everything we said. My brother came home and my dad spoke to us all, he apologised for everything, he was in tears, he said he knew he fu**ed up..blah blah, he was going to change everything, get help, tell his mother and come clean. Next day I bring it up and he then says "i'm not an alcoholic" even though he addmitted it the night before. It was a losing battle with him so I thought fu** it..I don't give a fu** about you anymore, i'll live in the same house as you but I'm not gunna give one tenth of a fu** about what happens to your life. Waste it if you want. He didn't get medical help but i'm pretty sure he's sober now, but he's changed person, before the alcohol he was always intrested in me, had a postive outlook on life etc. Now he's ultra negative and pessimistic, everything he says I can't help but giving harsh and sarcy remarks and make him feel like sh*t..Our friendship still hasnt rebuilt. The only thing I speak to him about is football. Don't think we've spoke about anything else in the last year. But this is also down to me, when he tried to make convo I shoot him down, without even thinking aboout it, i just have so much anger towards him. I can understand his problems now, I accept that he was depressed, and in a bad way, but having to deal with that pressure is disgraceful for a 11 year old+
my football has been hindered a lot too from it.
I am alot closer to my brother and sister now, my mum too. But I geuss this has made me a lot more individual, I only really care about myself at this moment in time.....Meh I'm still trying to get my hand around the whole thing...This is getting incredibly long now. But I suppose there is always light at the end of the tunnell. My dad does a lot for me, he buys me new things, goes out his way for me, makes me food, does pretty much everything for me, but i just find it extremely diffucult to forgive him for the past and move on.
If you can write your opinion on my sitatuion id be greatful.. thanks