becks in LA

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ROIUSA
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becks in LA

Post by ROIUSA » 20 Jul 2007, 02:05

saw this on F365. thought it was kinda funny. died laughing w/ the victoria beckham asking landon to wash the car part:



What is in store for Posh and Becks in America? Probably not this. Although none of it is as fake as Tuesday night's 'documentary', we suspect...



Summer: Becky Rising
The whole nation is gripped with soccer fever as Becks nets a last-minute winner against the Milwaukee Childcatchers. 'British Guy Makes A Goalball, Or Whatever' screams page 94, column six of the Wisconsin Daily Cheese Farmer.


The A-List has clasped the Beckhams to its bosom. "I call Katie and Tom on their private home line several times a day," says Posh. "And Katie's assistant's assistant passes on the message every single time!"


Becks' easygoing nature and committed performances are winning the approval of the USA's notoriously tough sportswriters. "We've been pleasantly surprised," says one veteran scribe. "He doesn't seem to be villainous, homosexual, called Giles or a chimney sweep. Although we understand that he has met The Queen on several occasions."


A family outing to the Hollywood Bowl proves a great success, with David declaring: "It must be named after the place in Leyton - it's two lanes for a fiver on Wednesday nights. And you get chicken in a basket."


David is keen to fit in with his new team-mates despite the vast disparity in their incomes. But ill-feeling is caused at a 'getting to know you' team BBQ when Victoria asks skipper Landon Donovan if he'd like to earn some extra cash by washing the Beckhams' cars.




Fall: Becky Agonises
Brand Beckham's domination of America seems almost complete when the couple are invited onto David Letterman. Sadly, it appears to be a case of mistaken identity when the chatshow king tries to put his hand up David's sarong while asking Victoria, "So, Pete Doherty...how did a skinny douchebag like you hook up with the gorgeous Kate here?"


Tom Cruise tells Beckham he is sick of being told he is in a cult. "I know what you mean," says Becks. "When I played for Man United, I got called a cult all the time."


An embarrassing incident spoils a garden party at the Governor's residence in California when Arnold mistakes a determinedly spray-tanned Posh for a slim panatela.


Victoria's breasts are attracting so much attention that they demand an agent of their own, increased royalties from photo shoots and a 36 per cent cut of the Brand Beckham income. "We've significantly inflated Victoria's wealth," they argue. "And vice versa."




Winter: Of Becky Discontent
There is a cooling of relations between the Beckhams and the Cruises when Tom asks David if he enjoyed the Scientology material about the three key pillars of spiritual life: affinity, reality and communication - known collectively as the ARC triangle. "I prefer Dairylea triangles," says a worried David.


A foray into Hollywood proves disastrous when Beckham appears in an ill-advised remake of an eighties Blaxploitation parody. 'I'm Gonna Git You Soccer' finishes off poor old Roger Ebert.


Victoria's breasts announce that they are leaving Team Beckham, citing "irreconcilable differences and a lack of intelligent conversation". They plan to settle in Silicon Valley.


The Spice Girls book several key US venues for their world tour but literally dozens are disappointed when they are turned back at JFK for answering 'no' to the visa question about 'any previous involvement in crimes against humanity?' A government spokesman says: "The Spiceworld movie? You're lucky it's not Guantanamo."


Posh faces red-tape difficulties with her green card. "Too skinny, wants to be an actress or singer, married to some rich dude, shops all day, has had plastic surgery?" says an immigration official. "That's a competitive industry here in LA. We need to protect these key jobs for our domestic workers."




Spring: Forever Becky
Tom Cruise announces he is being transported to another planet via the magic of astral projection and positive thinking. "Nothing to do with Scientology," explains the pint-sized heterosexual. "I just need to be sure that Victoria can't come over ever again."


Victoria has finally made it: the people of America are copying one of her most celebrated outfits, the famous corset-and-no-trousers look - and at one of the key events of the fashion calendar. Unfortunately, most of the devotees are moustachioed muscle men called Ramón, and the event is the New York Gay Pride march, but Posh is pleased nonetheless.


David is thrilled when Butty, Scholesy, Giggsy, Nevilley and Nevilley come to stay for a week. So is Posh. "Oh thank God," she tells them. "Have you any idea how difficult it is to get an English-speaking gardener here?"


After months of negotiation, Ice Cube agrees to produce a record for Victoria but their time in the studio lasts only a few days. "Please God make the noise stop," sobs the hardman of hip hop. "Please. I just want to sleep again. Think of the children."


David may be out of favour with Steve McClaren, but one England manager remains a fan. "If he's available, David gets in my Manchester City team every time," says Sven. Beckham flees to Antarctica to sign for the South Pole Penguins.



Alan Tyers
I was raised on Celtic, their history and their pride
With my culture and my faith, I wear the green & white.

They have nothing in their whole imperial arsenal that can break the spirit of one Irishman who does not want to be broken -Bobby Sands MP

rzadzinski
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Post by rzadzinski » 20 Jul 2007, 04:19

Haha, good read, pretty funny. Go Becks.

I've actually heard rumors of Cruise wanting to buy the Galaxy, probably because of the name.

But imagine if he did. In 2010 they would be called the Los Angeles Scientologists or the LA Space Invaders! :shock:
"I wear tinted visor not to trick other players, but so hot girls in stands don't see me looking at them."

-Alexander Ovechkin

soccer11
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Post by soccer11 » 20 Jul 2007, 21:11

haha that was real good. there was something like this in the magazine "fourfourtwo" when Beckham first agreed to it. i'll try to find it but i doubt i will.
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soccerdude510
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Post by soccerdude510 » 20 Jul 2007, 23:11

becham is gonna kill every body there

Zuhair
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Post by Zuhair » 21 Jul 2007, 05:37

yeah go beckham :P

gnarlyjim
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Post by gnarlyjim » 21 Jul 2007, 16:57

soccerdude510 wrote:becham is gonna kill every body there
I'm not so sure. Angel played for Villa in the Premiership before MLS. We'll see, I suppose.
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thrillboy
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Post by thrillboy » 22 Jul 2007, 00:14

dude that was so funny about ice cube telling her to stop singing. I can't believe she told Landon Donovan to wash her car to earn extra money. What a bitc*. :shock:
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Procrastination is like masterbation, it feels good at first, but in the end youre just f'ing yourself. :lol:

iwannagopro
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Post by iwannagopro » 22 Jul 2007, 02:42

thrillboy wrote:dude that was so funny about ice cube telling her to stop singing. I can't believe she told Landon Donovan to wash her car to earn extra money. What a bitc*. :shock:
dude are you serious!! Did you actually read that whole thing! Try reading the entire post again, and I won't bash at you anymore.

rzadzinski
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Post by rzadzinski » 22 Jul 2007, 05:45

:lol: Haha,

This is a joke!! I can't believe you believe this! :P
"I wear tinted visor not to trick other players, but so hot girls in stands don't see me looking at them."

-Alexander Ovechkin

thisisdard
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Post by thisisdard » 22 Jul 2007, 11:14

rzadzinski wrote::lol: Haha,

This is a joke!! I can't believe you believe this! :P

Yes but the one below is NOT a JOKE! :lol: :lol: :lol:
David is thrilled when Butty, Scholesy, Giggsy, Nevilley and Nevilley come to stay for a week. So is Posh. "Oh thank God," she tells them. "Have you any idea how difficult it is to get an English-speaking gardener here?"

rzadzinski
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Post by rzadzinski » 23 Jul 2007, 00:33

thisisdard wrote:
rzadzinski wrote::lol: Haha,

This is a joke!! I can't believe you believe this! :P

Yes but the one below is NOT a JOKE! :lol: :lol: :lol:
David is thrilled when Butty, Scholesy, Giggsy, Nevilley and Nevilley come to stay for a week. So is Posh. "Oh thank God," she tells them. "Have you any idea how difficult it is to get an English-speaking gardener here?"
True, I think one of them would do well at that, maybe Butty. :P
"I wear tinted visor not to trick other players, but so hot girls in stands don't see me looking at them."

-Alexander Ovechkin

KPatel
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Post by KPatel » 23 Jul 2007, 01:29

Butty. :P
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I doubt a sandwich can do gardening

thrillboy
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Post by thrillboy » 25 Jul 2007, 00:48

iwannagopro wrote:
thrillboy wrote:dude that was so funny about ice cube telling her to stop singing. I can't believe she told Landon Donovan to wash her car to earn extra money. What a bitc*. :shock:
dude are you serious!! Did you actually read that whole thing! Try reading the entire post again, and I won't bash at you anymore.
:?
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Procrastination is like masterbation, it feels good at first, but in the end youre just f'ing yourself. :lol:

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