Parents Don't Support Me

[desire10]

At the time of posting this I feel like sh*t. I just got into a fight with my mum, after I told her about a state titles tournament coming up, and that I wanted to trial for the team. I hesitated in telling her about it, and itcame out with little clarity, but she got pissed with me, and went inside the house saying to my step dad (.. Idk, some sh*t about joining some team and traveling to play matches) - that's all I heard. Then I remained outside, and I heard her muttering "everything's about soccer to him, school is all that should matter" - or some sh*t like that. I was getting tear-ry, so I just stood there outside, and she came out saying "get inside it's freezing out here fu**, what's your problem why are you out here still". I came inside , raised my voice and said "to get away from your bitching about me". My mum kept ranting at me denying it and going on about my attitude as I circled the house and ended the route by entering my room, shutting the door. I was slightly crying, and then she came in to my room and I just hid my tears by turning my back to her, pretending I was looking for something in my drawers. She eventually left, and continued ranting "fu**ing attitude, little sh*t!" ect... And I specifically heard her say "I'm never doing sh*t for that kid anymore, he can wash his own clothes, cook his own fu**ing dinner...". I was crying by now.

^ this is just an example, we are always having fights like this.

My step dad is not as vocal about it, but I know he doesn't support me. He use to have a soft spot for me. I remember after my first ever club game, I scored twice in a 4-2 win, and when we got home he was searching the web for semi pro teams for me. A couple of years later he coached my team, but some kind if drama with the parents of the players drove him away from the team, and he's never had anything to do with me and the team ever since. He actually came to one of my games a few weeks ago. I played very very well, man of the match and all, and still didn't get a compliment from him.

I do what I can around the house, I make time for looking after and playing with my little sister, IMO I'm a good son to my parents, I do more then most adolescents my age. Though, I apparently "hermit in my room, and only ever come out to scoff my face".

I'm very healthy, I eat as flawlessly as I can, I'm up before the son to train, and my parents have not once acknowledged my dedication and love for soccer, I know it's clear to them that this is what I want to do with my life, but they've never once appreciated what I do for the sport. My mum in particular is against me every time I go to the oval to train, especially if it's wet, she uses the weather as an excuse to try and keep me home whenever she can. When I say I'm going to the oval to her, all I hear is a "OK" with the biggest sigh I've ever witnessed, as if I just said I'm going out to binge drink with friends or something, that's how hostile her response is at times.

I've had various injuries before, particularly my knees, and she's just taken me to the doctor, who knows nothing, and he'll just tell me to take anti inflammitories. Physio is what I've needed in the past, but my mum just dubs me as a hypocondriact, and complains about the price of physiotherapy. To date I have sever's disease in my heels which was diagnosed by an eventual physio they decided to take me too, and I still have a fu**ed left knee, a minor problem in my right, and after games I feel like I'm an 80yr old with degenerated knees. I know I need to sort this out, but for this thread I'm not concerned about it, just ignore this for now, I'm posting for help for my problem with my parents.

I don't know what to do, I feel I can't make it as a pro without my parents support, how could I? I know that money is scarse in my family, but if they supported me, I know they could fork out the money to support my career (trailing semi pro teams and such), after all my step dad is bringing in big bucks right now as he's working away inter-state. He's spent the money on new Internet, a t-box (cable tv thing), a Wii console, and my little sister has been showered with toys lately, so the money's there, ive even heard my parents talking about how much he's made, and I specifically heard "$1900".

I don't think I'm ever going to get my parents on board with my soccer, but I know I have everything skill-wise, the mentality, dedication, ect... To make it.

I've recently mentioned to my mum about my back-up plan to soccer (sports coaching), and funnily enough she sounded on board with it all, telling me to go see my school careers advisor and stuff. I only feel like I need this back up plan and education because of the pressure my mum puts on me with school. She just told me after my last report that if I had got any 'D's', she would of made me cut back on training. She never mentioned this to me before, but luckily I resulted with 'C's' and two 'B's' - not a great report, but for me that's fairly solid, I always try and keep up to date with my school work.

This is getting long, so I'll end this.

[expert]

Look man, maybe your parents aren't as supportive as you want them to be, but who cares, this is your dream. So ya, my suggestion is to enjoy yourself, keep it positive and don't convince yourself that you are somehow a vicitm of your situation.

[collin]

if you dont mind me asking where is your real dad? because if your real dad is living somewhere else, i would move to his place. One thing you need to understand is guys are alot more into sports, and i feel like your real dad would be alot more supportive of your soccer then your mom. Because thats just how girls are. Where as your dad would enjoy and respect the training you put in, and maybe not so much with your mom

[desire10]

Your right expert, I know it seems like I'm trying to victimize myself, but this really is a big problem for me, it reduces me to tears a lot in all honesty.

Good suggestion Collin, but only if I could.... My real dad is unemployed living an hour and a halts drive away. He lives off his government pension he milks because he has a mental ilness (a minor one). He can barely support himself, let alone be a guardian to me.

[Had2bHarry]

I'm not going to lie, any kid whose in a state team or high level development program has to have highly dedicated parents. You have two options. You can accept the fact that the only way to become a professional footballer is to have parents who are loaded. That's the easy path. Or you accept the fact that you're going to have to become more independant and work harder than most to support yourself and get noticed. Thats the hard path. Yes the hard path is hard, but if you can get through it, then theres nothing in the whole wide world that can stop you, especially not those who got through the easy way.

I should also point out that getting into the state teams and sport institutes when you're young is not the only way to turn professional. I failed to get selected to play for Victoria due to health and confidence problems, that weren't really within my control. However slogging it out in the State league with players much older than me has made me a much wiser and stronger player than any overpriced development program could ever do. Every footballers story is different. Accept the fact that you're going to have to forge your own path.

[arsenalfc08]

I'm not going to lie, any kid whose in a state team or high level development program has to have highly dedicated parents. You have two options. You can accept the fact that the only way to become a professional footballer is to have parents who are loaded. That's the easy path. Or you accept the fact that you're going to have to become more independant and work harder than most to support yourself and get noticed. Thats the hard path. Yes the hard path is hard, but if you can get through it, then theres nothing in the whole wide world that can stop you, especially not those who got through the easy way.

I should also point out that getting into the state teams and sport institutes when you're young is not the only way to turn professional. I failed to get selected to play for Victoria due to health and confidence problems, that weren't really within my control. However slogging it out in the State league with players much older than me has made me a much wiser and stronger player than any overpriced development program could ever do. Every footballers story is different. Accept the fact that you're going to have to forge your own path.

Well said Harry! I agree you have to forge your own path. If you know you are going to need some money then why not look for a part time job? Maybe ask the counselors at school for some recommendations. Where ever you work I'm sure if you tell them you are a student they will be flexible with your schedule. I don't know about the laws in Australia but around here most kids in high school only worked a couple hours a day, probably no more than 15 hours a week. It's not much money but its something and they earned it themselves.

The pricey youth development programs and football academies don't guarantee someone that they will go pro. Look at how many kids are released at youth academies in England every year? There has always been a debate that the kids are being released too soon. Some of them find other clubs but don't doubt that a few of them are very upset and even disillusioned with the game. I'm sure some leave football altogether.

Now its time for a story. Alex Smith was born in England but raised USA. He was playing college soccer and doing very well until he lost his amateur eligibility. He wasn't able to play college soccer anymore and moved to Australia for non soccer reasons. He ended up playing for two NSW Super League teams one being Sydney Olympic and just signed a deal with Gold Coast United after impressing scouts.

Basically you're going to have to do this on your own but you're not alone EF supports you!

[desire10]

Thanks heaps everyone, especially you Harry, you post was very trueful and I agree with your points completally.

I referee on the weekends which brings in a bit of cash, I've made a few hundred bucks actually, but the season only lasts for well, a season. When reffing is over for the year I'll definitely look into getting a job. The sh*t thing is, is that I could really use the money for other things, important things - boots, food, and I really need some weights for the type of strength training I want to do. If I want to play up a level in football, I guess I'll have to go without, and make do with what I can, but even if I do go without, I've calculated that Im always going to be comin up hundreds short even with my reffing and a job. But I there's a will, there's a way.

I could play at a similar skill level by playing for the higher age groups in my local club, but then I'm not really getting 'on the radar', and not getting as good team training, tactical development, ect... The state teams are where it's at.

An amazing opportunity has risen in my region, as our semi pro team has linked up with our local A-League pro club, Central Coast Mariners. So the former is now under the mariners title, and a direct feeder into the pro team - how more direct could the path to pro football get for me? It's amazing. sh*t thing is, the prices are still insane -$1050. I've spoken to an official about financial assistance, and he said the teams might offer it, but he didn't sound to convincing, and I doubt they'll pay much of a majority of the rego'.

[ah7]

Wouldn't you have to be playing first team for the semi pro team which I would imagine is full over 20-30+ year olds?

[desire10]

No mate, that's the best part, I think it only goes to U18s or something. It's actually causing a lot of drama here because all theolder first graders a leaving to play in Sydney because there's no room for them here now.

[ah7]

thats heaps good then! In SA here the pathway to adelaide united is hopeless...theres nothing!

[arsenalfc08]

That semi-pro team could be your ticket! That fee is a lot is that for the whole season? What does that include? I hope it includes your kit and stuff cause thats a lot of money.

If you're going to talk with your mom and step dad about it make sure you think it through. Anyway you could use some of your refereeing money to pay for the registration? You may have to make short term sacrifices (buying food, going out a lot) but it sounds like this semi-pro team is your best option.

If its possible for you to pay half of the registration fee tell that to your parents, show them the money if you have to. If they are willing to pay the rest tell them you'll pay it off by doing stuff around the house (more than you usually do if possible) maybe offer to babysit your sister (unpaid)? Or you could write an IOU note and pay them back but make you sure you do.

[desire10]

Yes good idea, I'll ask, but when I know that they are not tight on money.

[Kakasgotskillz]

You're probably in a position that i was not too long ago. When I first started soccer, I entered this phase where I was putting out 2+ hours of training every day, and even with decent grades, my parents wouldnt acknowledge it and held me back at every step possible in my soccer career.

I don't know how old you are at the moment, but if your parents don't support you into playing soccer, do it yourself. If it's a financial issue, get a job, and use the money you saved for the thing you love (soccer)... arsenalfc08's borrowing idea works well too if you can show them and give them detailed plans as to how you're going to repay it. If it's responsibility they don't believe you have, learn to find a balance in your life. I cut back on my own social life (going out and whatnot) for the sake of soccer, had my homework and chores done when they needed to be, and when you had that bit of free time, have a ball at your feet just in the backyard or out on the street doing some dribbling or juggling stuff. If it's transportation, make some connections and try to arrange for carpooling if possible, or even use public transportation. I used to play for a church league and I would have to make an hour bus ride just to get to the games cuz my parents didn't want to drive me.

If you're super talented, which you appear to be because you can trial for a state-level team, you should really take advantage before you look back after your best years and wish you did. Not a day goes by without me wishing that i started picking up football earlier in my life and trained more often cuz I don't play at the level both skill-wise and league-wise that I want to be at. It's not every day that an opportunity will present itself to you like this. Take the trial to the best of your ability, see what the result is, and compromise as to how you can make the most of the experience and opportunity. Hope this gives you a few ideas.

Ohh and if you want to go into strength training, alot of gyms (notably the YMCA) offers financial assistance too so that could be a start for you... or even the school gym it beats buying your own weights cuz even dumbbells are expensive haha

EDIT: I'm sorry if this came late cuz I just got back into the forum haha