No close friends :(

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scottS4
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No close friends :(

Post by scottS4 » 20 Feb 2011, 05:02

When I was younger, I had alot of close friends and socialized like everyday. I had school friends and soccer friends and I'd spend alot of time hanging out with both. As I got older, all my school friends started smoking, drinking etc and this was when I decided to start taking soccer more seriously so I didn't want any part of that. Understandably, we drifted apart. After this I never seemed to form similar friendships with other people at my school. I wasn't too worried about that though because there was still the members of my soccer team to hang out with.

But this year I joined a new team so now I barely hang out with any of the players from my old team. They kind of despise me at the moment anyway because I abandoned them. This has resulted in me becoming quite the loner. I'm still friendly with alot of people at both school and soccer but no one is really a close friend like the kind I had a few years ago. Today for instance, I texted 4 or 5 different people about going to see a movie later and got responses like:

"Can't today man, srry"
"yo idk if i can.."
"um, i dont think so bro i got this thing..."

Of course people not being able to do things is understandable but responses have consistently been like this for a few months now. Pretty much everytime I try to socialize I get shot down. (Also, I'm always the one who initiates, I rarely get text messages anymore.)

I don't think people dislike me or anything, I talk to these people everyday and am friendly with them, I just don't seem to have friends anymore.

collin
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Post by collin » 20 Feb 2011, 05:30

wow man u sound just like me, i socialized everyday and had the best of friends in like 8th grade, i had my little group just like other did. However when i had these really close friends none of them played soccer and i never practiced on my own, they all started smoking weed so we lost touch alot and then all i did was play soccer by myself everyday. Just like you, im good friends with alot of kids at school, and i have a few kids i hangout with from soccer, but i really have no best friend. I guess it all comes down to sacrifice, thats what soccer is about if you really want to be good. But i guess there is always a balance of socializing and playing soccer, but u find that the super social people arent very good at anything and all they really care about is getting drunk and stuff, and i dont want that so whatever. I feel like a loner sometimes, but i always just think about making a better life for myself in the future by playing soccer...hopefully lol

arsenalfc08
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Post by arsenalfc08 » 20 Feb 2011, 14:14

Wow I certainly know how you feel. I drifted apart from my best friend a few years ago, it was really hard. We had been friends for probably 17-18 years, we "knew" each other in the womb, we hung out all the time, spent weekends at each other's houses, talked about going to a certain college and being roomates, etc. Towards the end of high school we started drifting apart, just had different interests. I think it would have happened anyway since we are both at different colleges now, but it didn't make it any easier.

Anyone that knows me now knows that soccer is a big part of my life. I've been able to meet a lot of people who have the same interest as me through the sport. I play in rec leagues and attend every game of my local USL team and through that have made some good friends.

I don't know how long you've been with this new team but I'm sure you'll make friends with them quickly. Why not ask one of them to go to a movie, or even to something soccer related?

NewBornProdigy
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Post by NewBornProdigy » 20 Feb 2011, 14:43

This mightn be what you want to hear, but you could try drinking socially with a few of them, or even learn to go out with them sober. Like a career in soccer would be worth any sacrifice to most... But a happy life ie social, is a huge cornerstone of happiness... Don't go out and get hammered, but learn to live a little haha

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arsenalfc08
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Post by arsenalfc08 » 20 Feb 2011, 15:00

NewBornProdigy wrote:This mightn be what you want to hear, but you could try drinking socially with a few of them, or even learn to go out with them sober. Like a career in soccer would be worth any sacrifice to most... But a happy life ie social, is a huge cornerstone of happiness... Don't go out and get hammered, but learn to live a little haha

on my iPod so a bit messy :)
I have to agree with NBP here. I wouldn't cut them out of your life just because they like to do something you don't want to do. You can still hang out with them IMO. If you don't want to drink then you don't have to. Them drinking will not effect you or your career.

Also if you want to do something you your friends like go to the movies it may be a good idea to ask them a few days in advance. I'm not saying you didn't give enough time as you said you wanted to go later on in the day/night but sometimes that is too short of notice. You know?

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Post by mint » 20 Feb 2011, 19:50

I also agree with NBP, its not hard to go to a few parties now and again to keep in touch with your friends, you dont even have to drink or anything at parties if you dont want to.
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scottS4
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Post by scottS4 » 20 Feb 2011, 21:20

How am I supposed to drink socially or even hang out with friends when I get shot down by them everytime? I would have no problems with drinking if it was during a poker game or while watching a champions league game or something but everytime I try to do stuff like that, I get a bunch of "maybe next time,"s

Also, the team I'm on is in an older age group so they're all a year older than me. They say like 6 words to me all practice and its been like that all season so asking them to hang out would just be awkward

terminator
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Post by terminator » 21 Feb 2011, 04:44

Yeah this is also something which I had to cope with when I came for university in Australia since I don't drink and all as well. Uptill now, I have made one very close friend.

I would suggest try doing something after practice. The team I played for...we would go have dinner at a pub after practice. That was a really good social experience for me. That might help you get closer to your team mates.

panchester07
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Re: No close friends :(

Post by panchester07 » 21 Feb 2011, 11:24

I think you patiently gotta start talking more to people again..

Also, its a fact that if people see something fun and better than what they got going on they'll want to join..

My point? Many people go home after school and just watch tv, and go on the internet... Me, you and most people wouldn't ever say no to an invitation to watch a good fotball game would we? See if your life is a boring routine, then someone offers a fun plan your gonna say yes inspite of you not "loving" the person.. I have close friends now that I got close with just with an invitation to go play fifa at their homes.... Or watch a game...

They say hey, come over and lets order some pizza and play a fifa tournament or watch Barcelona... Make it sound good and even invite 2-3 of them over... I guarantee it sounds better than what they got going on, Next thing you know your cracking jokes with them, sharing stories and having a good time, after a few invitations they'll start including you on their plans, usually with a "you should come" m cause they'll see your fun and chill... You know, people are justl ike you, sometimes they don't got anything to do one day, and just make plans, sometimes I say hey do you wanna go eat at this restaurant, and i 95% of the time get a yes and just chat with the person and bond over a meal..

I think this is an easy way of making friends, proposing plans that sound good to everybody and talking and being chill over it, soon you'll be part of they're group of friend, and next thing you know, you got quite a good amount of friends..
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scottS4
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Re: No close friends :(

Post by scottS4 » 21 Feb 2011, 19:29

panchester07 wrote:I think you patiently gotta start talking more to people again..

Also, its a fact that if people see something fun and better than what they got going on they'll want to join..

My point? Many people go home after school and just watch tv, and go on the internet... Me, you and most people wouldn't ever say no to an invitation to watch a good fotball game would we? See if your life is a boring routine, then someone offers a fun plan your gonna say yes inspite of you not "loving" the person.. I have close friends now that I got close with just with an invitation to go play fifa at their homes.... Or watch a game...

They say hey, come over and lets order some pizza and play a fifa tournament or watch Barcelona... Make it sound good and even invite 2-3 of them over... I guarantee it sounds better than what they got going on, Next thing you know your cracking jokes with them, sharing stories and having a good time, after a few invitations they'll start including you on their plans, usually with a "you should come" m cause they'll see your fun and chill... You know, people are justl ike you, sometimes they don't got anything to do one day, and just make plans, sometimes I say hey do you wanna go eat at this restaurant, and i 95% of the time get a yes and just chat with the person and bond over a meal..

I think this is an easy way of making friends, proposing plans that sound good to everybody and talking and being chill over it, soon you'll be part of they're group of friend, and next thing you know, you got quite a good amount of friends..
Yeah this was a helpful answer, thanks man.
I've been asking alot of people to hang out lately, alot more than I usually do. Most people say they can't but I have had a few yes's so its already picking up again. (I went to the rec center a few days ago with some friends and the next day I skipped last period to go get some milkshakes.) I'll probably try to get a group of friends over for the Man Utd game this wednesday.

Wanderer
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Post by Wanderer » 22 Feb 2011, 13:07

Well tbh the watching movie with a guy thing is kinda gay. Like I never go to the movies unless there is at least one girl going too. Also the texting thing should be reserved for texting girls. Two guys texting each other is just gay.

Guys bond with other guys by doing stuff. Footy, drinking, fighting etc. And bond with girls by talking(at first, but that's a chapter for another day :wink: ). So find out what they like to do and ask them to do it. Whether it's drinkin, playing basketball, arcade etc.

Personally dont know much bout the guy-guy thing(specialize more in girls), but just suggest to do something they like together. If they reject, just find other ppl. Just my two cents, or should I say..two gents..lol..

scottS4
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Post by scottS4 » 03 Mar 2011, 02:10

Well things have already picked up. Yesterday about 9 of us went to a restaurant after an academy and hung out for like 2 hours, and I have friends are coming over this saturday. Since I'll be going back to my old team next season, things will probably pick up even more.

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