Girl help?

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soccer_after_death
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Girl help?

Post by soccer_after_death » 17 Nov 2010, 18:57

Heyyyy ladies and gents, some of you might remember me as Enezi.

I remember last time I got help on that other thread was...ohh man in sophomore year, 2 years ago, and I'm a senior now :P.

Honestly speaking, I've had like one somewhat serious relationship and that's bout it. I think the main reason for that is just that I'm super picky, I don't get into unnecessary relationships if I don't feel that someone's completely "right" for me.

Just a little bit more background and I'll get to it. I just moved cities recently, so I'm at a brand new school for senior year (yeah, sucks). And then... I met this girl ;).

So about this girl, I know it's cliche but she really truly is one of a kind. She's like super classy and is an individual, and she hasn't actually had a boyfriend, ever. 

So anyways, at this new school, I kinda haven't mingled a lot, just a few friends from teams I play on and that's it, and I don't bother because I still visit my old friends every weekend or so (couple hours drive to the old city I lived it). 

So she just came up and started talking to me a few weeks ago, and she seemed really interested in me. Almost immediately we like exchanged numbers and I didn't wanna rush into anything, so we're just good friends, but I'm crazy bout her. 

This is like early-mid october ish I guess. Unfortunately we're both super busy people and our schedules just don't mesh, she's in my calc class, and we go out for coffee/lunch couple times a week, that's about it. I've been like dropping hints all this while, but either she's completely clueless or she just wants to play along, I honestly don't know.

But we like totally get each other, we just have so much in common and we totally get each other, and I really feel like she's "the one."

So anyways, she got asked out over the weekend before last, and apparently she had a fun time, and she was telling me all bout it so I was getting kinda sick of it, so I didn't like ignore her but we kinda had limited conversation for the past week.

Then last night she texted me saying that we should go out for coffee again soon and I was like sure, and then we just kinda kept talking. Then she said that this guy Tony, the guy she went out with, said that he needed time to think or something, and she'd been losing sleep for the past couple days over it, and she was like getting advice from me since she's "new at this stuff" (self proclaimed). 

So then I helped her out, told her what to do, this went on til like late last night, then the dude gave her a definite response saying something along the lines that he just wasn't ready for a relationship blah blah blah and "it's me not you, trust me". 

So then she was all broken up about this and basically pissed at life, and then I kinda had to like reassure her and whatnot. She then thanked me for being there and whatnot, and that was the end of the night.

So the tricky thing is that she's already cynical about love and relationships, and this happening just made it worse; I feel she's just gunna close herself off to any potential oppurtunities. The other thing that makes it tricky is that, like I said earlier, I'm at a new school and she's my only real friend, and I don't want that to get merked.

We had a bit of fun this morning, joked around before class and whatnot, and we'll go out for lunch tmrw.

So what do I do? Do I just keep trying like steadily? I was doing that until she got asked out by the other guy, so then I was regretting going slow, so I just don't know anymore.

Sorry bout the long ass wall of text guys, I tried to keep it readable, but I just thought I should let you guys know as much as possible so you fully get the situation. Thanks in advance, you people have never disappointed before ;).

InterDeLaChance
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Post by InterDeLaChance » 17 Nov 2010, 19:47

Make your move now. You are borderline "Friend Zone" and there is no recovering from that. Hurry!!

soccer_after_death
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Post by soccer_after_death » 17 Nov 2010, 21:09

InterDeLaChance wrote:Make your move now. You are borderline "Friend Zone" and there is no recovering from that. Hurry!!
Every part of me is telling me to, man, but like I said, she's already cynical bout relationships, and now even more so, i think if I ask now I'll get rejected AND lose her as a friend...

....I think :/

terminator
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Post by terminator » 17 Nov 2010, 21:27

I really liked reading your story. It so much reminded me of my situation with my crush. I gave her a lot of hints and just like u I didn't know whether she was playing along or just didn't know.

Then one of my friends told me that she definitely does not like me in that way so I should back off and just stay friends. I did for a while but I could not hold it in any longer because I would think about her all the time. So I finally ended up telling her...well lets just say we aren't even proper friends anymore. Everything is a bit awkward.

To be honest with you, I don't think she likes you in that way from what it seems. If you want to ask her out...make sure she is mature enough to understand it and not freak out and make things awkward.

soccer_after_death
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Post by soccer_after_death » 17 Nov 2010, 21:42

terminator wrote:I really liked reading your story. It so much reminded me of my situation with my crush. I gave her a lot of hints and just like u I didn't know whether she was playing along or just didn't know.

Then one of my friends told me that she definitely does not like me in that way so I should back off and just stay friends. I did for a while but I could not hold it in any longer because I would think about her all the time. So I finally ended up telling her...well lets just say we aren't even proper friends anymore. Everything is a bit awkward.

To be honest with you, I don't think she likes you in that way from what it seems. If you want to ask her out...make sure she is mature enough to understand it and not freak out and make things awkward.
I'm sorry for ya :/, yeah I'll definitely be careful going about it I guess...

What part in particular makes you think she doesn't like me in that way?

To me, at least 2-3 weeks ago, it felt like there was definitely something between us.

klc123
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Post by klc123 » 17 Nov 2010, 23:22

Do you flirt with each other or do you just chat like "best friends for life" kinda chat.

You want to get sort of into the casual flirt situation, and that is when you know she's into you.

By flirt, I don't mean slap her arse tell her how great her breasts are. Flirting can be anything playful, it doesn't have to be sexual.

Good luck, if she is a shy girl, then she will probably feel more comfortable being with someone she is already close to, so that could be your opening, but you never know, she might just look at you as a friend.

Good luck man, I hope it works out for you.

soccer_after_death
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Post by soccer_after_death » 17 Nov 2010, 23:48

klc123 wrote:Do you flirt with each other or do you just chat like "best friends for life" kinda chat.

You want to get sort of into the casual flirt situation, and that is when you know she's into you.

By flirt, I don't mean slap her arse tell her how great her breasts are. Flirting can be anything playful, it doesn't have to be sexual.

Good luck, if she is a shy girl, then she will probably feel more comfortable being with someone she is already close to, so that could be your opening, but you never know, she might just look at you as a friend.

Good luck man, I hope it works out for you.
We definitely have fun haha, and it goes both ways, which is why I'm hopeful.

Lol and i'm sorry I must've used the wrong tone somewhere in there, but she's not shy at all haha, just inexperienced, and I could say the same for myself.

collin
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Post by collin » 18 Nov 2010, 01:11

hey i think i can help, this reminds me of this one story i read. the story went a little like this...

there was a boy and girl who were very good friends, he was there for her during break ups and they always hung out. Secretly the boy loved this girl alot, he loved her and was crazy about her but didnt want to tell her and ruin anything they had. As they got older she eventually got married, he watched her husband kiss the girl he loves. Even when she was married he still loved her and was crazy about her, but didnt want to ruin it. She thanked him for going to her wedding and they were still greats friends. years past and eventually he found himself at her funeral. At her funeral she had a diary. in her diary it said that she loved him, was crazy about him, but didnt want to ruin anything. She wrote that everyday even when she was married.

the whole point of this story is pretty much that they were both really good friends and they both loved and were crazy about eachother. But they both thought the same thing. "i dont want to ruin our friendship and make it wierd". and if one of them would have just said something they would have loved eachother for years. but they didnt and they were just friends. now i bet both you and this girl are thinking the same thing, but are just to scared to make the move. so dont be like the guy in this story, tell her how you feel..

soccer_after_death
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Post by soccer_after_death » 18 Nov 2010, 05:38

collin wrote:hey i think i can help, this reminds me of this one story i read. the story went a little like this...

there was a boy and girl who were very good friends, he was there for her during break ups and they always hung out. Secretly the boy loved this girl alot, he loved her and was crazy about her but didnt want to tell her and ruin anything they had. As they got older she eventually got married, he watched her husband kiss the girl he loves. Even when she was married he still loved her and was crazy about her, but didnt want to ruin it. She thanked him for going to her wedding and they were still greats friends. years past and eventually he found himself at her funeral. At her funeral she had a diary. in her diary it said that she loved him, was crazy about him, but didnt want to ruin anything. She wrote that everyday even when she was married.

the whole point of this story is pretty much that they were both really good friends and they both loved and were crazy about eachother. But they both thought the same thing. "i dont want to ruin our friendship and make it wierd". and if one of them would have just said something they would have loved eachother for years. but they didnt and they were just friends. now i bet both you and this girl are thinking the same thing, but are just to scared to make the move. so dont be like the guy in this story, tell her how you feel..
Damn that's messed up lol.

InterDeLaChance
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Post by InterDeLaChance » 18 Nov 2010, 06:50

Just tell her dude. Everything'll be ok eventually even if it doesn't work out.

terminator
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Post by terminator » 18 Nov 2010, 12:03

soccer_after_death wrote:
terminator wrote:I really liked reading your story. It so much reminded me of my situation with my crush. I gave her a lot of hints and just like u I didn't know whether she was playing along or just didn't know.

Then one of my friends told me that she definitely does not like me in that way so I should back off and just stay friends. I did for a while but I could not hold it in any longer because I would think about her all the time. So I finally ended up telling her...well lets just say we aren't even proper friends anymore. Everything is a bit awkward.

To be honest with you, I don't think she likes you in that way from what it seems. If you want to ask her out...make sure she is mature enough to understand it and not freak out and make things awkward.
I'm sorry for ya :/, yeah I'll definitely be careful going about it I guess...

What part in particular makes you think she doesn't like me in that way?

To me, at least 2-3 weeks ago, it felt like there was definitely something between us.
I think she doesn't like you in that way is because she went out with that guy and lost sleep over him. And there you are...all crazy about her whereas she is not thinking about you. I know that sounds harsh but my friend kept saying it to me but I wouldn't believe her. I would go on 'dates' with the girl I liked,make sexual jokes and everything...but she just looked at me as a friend. Its life and its a harsh reality.
collin wrote:hey i think i can help, this reminds me of this one story i read. the story went a little like this...

there was a boy and girl who were very good friends, he was there for her during break ups and they always hung out. Secretly the boy loved this girl alot, he loved her and was crazy about her but didnt want to tell her and ruin anything they had. As they got older she eventually got married, he watched her husband kiss the girl he loves. Even when she was married he still loved her and was crazy about her, but didnt want to ruin it. She thanked him for going to her wedding and they were still greats friends. years past and eventually he found himself at her funeral. At her funeral she had a diary. in her diary it said that she loved him, was crazy about him, but didnt want to ruin anything. She wrote that everyday even when she was married.

the whole point of this story is pretty much that they were both really good friends and they both loved and were crazy about eachother. But they both thought the same thing. "i dont want to ruin our friendship and make it wierd". and if one of them would have just said something they would have loved eachother for years. but they didnt and they were just friends. now i bet both you and this girl are thinking the same thing, but are just to scared to make the move. so dont be like the guy in this story, tell her how you feel..
I remember reading it in a forward. Did you read that story in a forward email? I don't really believe it. It is just an inspiring and beautiful story but I doubt it is true.

soccer11
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Post by soccer11 » 18 Nov 2010, 13:36

The bad thing about your story s_a_d is that she talks to you about other guys. That's the part that told me she thinks of you as a friend and nothing more right now. I find that if a girl talks to you about how she feels about other guys, it's usually never a good thing. (The only way it could possibly be a good thing is if she's only talking to you about other guys because she wants to make you jealous in a way to get you to ask her out.)
I think you should do more but don't make it seem like it. Instead of coffee or lunch ask her out to dinner, but not to one of those restaurants where couples usually go. Go someplace like Red Robin or Applebees (that's always a safe choice.)
Good luck though. I know how you feel.
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soccer_after_death
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Post by soccer_after_death » 18 Nov 2010, 14:07

soccer11 wrote:The bad thing about your story s_a_d is that she talks to you about other guys. That's the part that told me she thinks of you as a friend and nothing more right now. I find that if a girl talks to you about how she feels about other guys, it's usually never a good thing. (The only way it could possibly be a good thing is if she's only talking to you about other guys because she wants to make you jealous in a way to get you to ask her out.)
I think you should do more but don't make it seem like it. Instead of coffee or lunch ask her out to dinner, but not to one of those restaurants where couples usually go. Go someplace like Red Robin or Applebees (that's always a safe choice.)
Good luck though. I know how you feel.
Call me enezi, lol, soccerafterdeath makes me feel 14 again ahaha.

Anyways yeah I totally see what you mean, but I've seen other people in the same situation go on to be much more, so I haven't lost all hope.

Slow and steady it is, then.

Thanks people ;).

soccer11
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Post by soccer11 » 18 Nov 2010, 14:16

Oh yea in the long run it could definitely help you out, but I assumed you wanted a quick solution, which I don't think there is one at this time.
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soccer_after_death
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Post by soccer_after_death » 18 Nov 2010, 19:57

soccer11 wrote:Oh yea in the long run it could definitely help you out, but I assumed you wanted a quick solution, which I don't think there is one at this time.
I did at first, but yeah I can see now that doing that would be stupid and cause more damage if it did anything at all, so I'll just wait it out.
Thanks again.

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