These next few are of extremley bad taste, my friend told me them and I literally puked, actually noone read this just to be safe
Katie is turning 6 tomorrow
"Guess how old I'm going to be tomorrow!" she yelled to her dad.
"I Don't know" he replied, playing along.
"I'll be six!" she replied.
She went into the kitchen and asked her grandad, "guess how old I'll be tomorrow!"
"To answer this I'll need to pull down your knickers." he says.
So Katie lets him do this. Her grandad inserts two fingers into her, moves them around for a few minutes, pulls them out, sniffs, then licks them.
"You'll be six tomorrow" Grandad says.
"How did you know that?" replies Katie.
"Because I heard you saying it to your dad"
What did the deaf, blind, mute, parapalegic child get for christmas?
What do you get when you see a baby with pitchfork in its head?
What did the cannibal do when he dumped his giflfriend?
Wiped his ass
why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
so you can cum on its face
So a girl asks her father, can I borrow the car please?
The father replies: 'Ok but you'll have to suck my d**k first'
The girl thought about it for a while and then agreed.
While sucking her fathers dick she asked 'Dad, why does your dick taste like sh*t ?'
'Oh damn, your brother already borrowed the car'
A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night. The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrent!". The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter." The penis outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!
Two toddler's aged 6, one female and one male go to their parents and ask what their parts do. The dad goes to his son that his privates are like a car and he needs to drive it in and out of the girls garage. While the mum tells the girl she is to stop the car getting into the garage.
So the next day they both pull their trousers down, and the boy says "I have to get my car in your garage", while the girl says "I can't let your car in my garage"
When the girl gets home, her hands are covered in blood. And her mum asks her what happened. The girl said "I cut the car's wheels off so it couldn't get it"
Mike goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great big huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs, 20 inch penis, testicles 3 lbs each, Turner Brown."
Mike just faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to, by slapping his face and shaking him. He asks, "Are you OK??" In a very weak voice Mike says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me?"
The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs, have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 lbs each, and my name is Turner Brown." Mike said, "Oh Thank God!!! I thought you said 'Turn Around!'"
There was a family with a mother, father, daughter and son. One day the family was in a serious car accident, and the mother was severely injured. Later, the family of the mother was in the waiting room at the hospital, waiting to see how their mother was doing. The doctor came out and he gave the family the news with a sad look on his face. The father said "My god, is my wife ok?". The doctor answered " No, she when you got hit by the other car, your wife was instantly paralized from the waist down. This means she will no longer be able to move her legs, walk or run. Life will never be the same with your wife paralized. You may still be able to have good family moments like when you and your family used to walk on the beach or play catch in the park. And i am terribly sorry. The husband and children started to get tears in their eyes, then the husband asked, " My God doctor, is this really true, is it true my wife is permanently paralized and she will never be able to walk again?"
The doctor answered, "No, I was just playin with ya"
The doctor contiues " She's dead."
A tramp walks into a bar and asks the barman for a fork. The barman is puzzled but gives th tramp a fork. A few minutes later another tramp walks in and asks for a fork. The barman is wondering why he would want a fork, but decides not to ask and just gives him a fork. A few minutes later another tramp walks in and goes up to the bar. The barman says "Let me guess, you want a fork?". The tramp says "actually, can I have a straw? Someone was sick outside but all the chunks are gone".