The Naughty Jokes Thread

Talk about current events, entertainment, technology or anything not related to soccer
panchester07
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Post by panchester07 » 18 Jan 2010, 03:07

A drunken man gets home a weekday, around 4am in the morning..
He is knocking on the door and he says, Open Up Honey!!! Open up!!!
His wife mad, says "No you are drunk again, im not opening up"
He says "Please my darling, open up"....
As she replies "No, your drunk go sleep at your friends house your not coming in in those conditions"....
Finally, the drunk replies "Open up, I have some flowers for the prettiest woman in the world :P "......
The Wife opens up and in astonishment says "son of a bitch where are the flowers??"
As the drunk replies "Yeah and where the hell is the most beautiful woman in the world???"

----
Little Bob and little Timmy are playing in their neighborhood street, as Bob asks Timmy, "hey Timmy do you know how to ride a tricycle" ? As timmy replies "No Bob, I didnt know how to ride a trycicle".. Bob then intervenes, "Timmy your not suppose to say I didnt know, you suppose to say I doesnt know"... The neighbor that was mopping heir front porche floors listened to that cnversation and kindly said "Boys, can I explain something to you?"... "Sure" said the kids... The woman continues "Your not suppose to say I didnt know, or I doesnt know"... "Oh and what are you supposed to say" asked the kids.... The woman continues " You say.. I dont know"......."And then if you dont know why the fu** do you interrupt you damn old woman son of a bitch, shave your damn pussy you piece of sh*t"........

Lol sorry guys, its a traduction and in the show I traduce it from they cuss at the end extra because its live and the Tv host has strict instructions of No cussing on the show... Its her first show and she is all nervous, and these famous guys come and just do everything they are not suppose too lol.....
........
There where two Neighbors doing nothing one day. One a young man around 26 that goes to college. The other one and old man around his 60s that worked all his life and never studied.. The young one goes to the old one feeling a little arrogant because he did/does go to college while the old man doesnt.. To show of his knowledge he says to the old man "Excuse me sir, do you know who Copernicuss was".. As the old man replies "No, No I dont".. Then the young man explains "Copernicus was the creator of the eliocentric theory when everybody thought that the world was flat blablalbalblabl" ... The Old man say "Oh, Interesting".. The young man then says "and you know why you dont know that".. The old man says "No, why?".. The young college student says "because you never went to college"......... Continuing the conversation the Young Man asks again, "Do you know who Napoleon was" .. the Old man says "no, who"... The young college man says "Napoleon was the leader of france blablalblabla, and you know why you dont know that?" ... "No, Why?" said the old man ... "Because you didnt ever go to college " said the young man........ The old man, now a little disturbed by the mans arrogance said "Excuse me gentlemen, do you know who Oscar Howard is".... the young man dumbfounded said "President of Argentina?".. No.. "Oh the poet".. No..... "Who was it said the young man confused?".. ...."Oscar Howard is the one that fu**s your wife every day you go to college you arrogant son of a bitch, I do her on the bed, in the washing machine, by the fridge.. that I have to clean my dick with the tip of the history books you buy to study worthless dipshit c**t!!!!!!"
to know Him is to want to know Him more"


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Tocar y moverse y tratarla siempre muy muy bien..'

pickyourheadup
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Post by pickyourheadup » 18 Jan 2010, 04:56

Funniest joke in the world (You will die after reading it, you have been warned):

"Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!"

____________________________

A baby joke:

Whats worse than killing a baby with a blender?

Eating it with tortilla chips :shock:

(The first joke was a reference to Monty Python :wink: )
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creator
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Post by creator » 20 Jan 2010, 11:56

These are some nice ones...

panchester07
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Post by panchester07 » 20 Jan 2010, 16:34

Dumb blonde joke..

Audrey: Baby do you know I figured out that carrot is actually good for vision?
Jazzy: Really babe, how?
Audrey: I shoved a carrot up my ass and I saw the stars...
to know Him is to want to know Him more"


"i don't know where the limit is, but I know where it is not"

Tocar y moverse y tratarla siempre muy muy bien..'

soccer11
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Post by soccer11 » 27 Jan 2010, 03:38

bsc wrote: Did you hear about the new Haitian boyband?
They're called New Blocks on the Kids.
so bsc posted this joke in another thread and I've had some really bad Haitian pictures/jokes and I was wondering if these would fly haha I'll post an example of one of the not as bad ones and see what you guys think.
Image
I have a whole set of these that, while maybe a little bit offensive now, they'll be funny sooner rather than later :D
Image

panchester07
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Post by panchester07 » 30 Jan 2010, 05:02

Says One Blonde to the other one:
Audrey: is the clitoris in the front or in the back?
Taylor: its in the back, babe..
Audrey: Then suck my hemorroides..


Says one guy to another one..
John: How would your ideal partner look like?
Bob: Well, my ideal partner would be 1 meter tall, would have no teeth, have extra large ears, and have a flat head...
John: Really, and whys that bob?
Bob: Ill explain, 1 meter tall so she/he can suck my big dick, no teeth so they dont interfere in the bj, extra long ears so I can swing her/him back an forth when shes sucking it, and a flat head so I can put my glass of wine on top of it..
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Soccer11. post those jokes that one was hilarious, im sure we can handel it with maturity.
to know Him is to want to know Him more"


"i don't know where the limit is, but I know where it is not"

Tocar y moverse y tratarla siempre muy muy bien..'

MUFC1994
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Post by MUFC1994 » 08 Feb 2010, 23:42

Extreme Immorality: Beware!!!

Haitian Jokes
I dumped my Haitian girlfriend last week. She's been crushed ever since.

What kinda dance moves do Haitians perform at dance clubs?
They try to "raise the roof" or "hold up the wall".

What does it take to pick up a Haitian woman these days?
A digger.

After the worst earthquake in 200 years the capitol of Haiti is leveled. Damage estimates are in the tens of dollars."

Did you hear about the new Haitian Boy Band? The New Blocks on the Kids

What's a Haitian's favorite drank? Vodka Martini, Shaken not stirred

a Haitian guy walks into a bar.... it collapses

whats Haiti's favorite game? Quake...

what has 1,000 arms and legs? Haiti Hilton

Hi I'm Richter Scale and Haiti 7.0 was my idea

-------------

Maybe its a bit to soon....shouldn't we let the dust settle abit? :lol:
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klc123
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Post by klc123 » 09 Feb 2010, 16:57

I have a disgusting hati joke...Its not racist i don't think.

"Clearasil have invented a brand new facewash called the Hati earthquake. Its highly thought of by dermatologists everywhere for its effectiveness, its gaurenteed to kill atleast 200,000 black heads."

Nat_H
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Post by Nat_H » 09 Feb 2010, 23:13

Off-topic sorta, but made me wonder why we have no qualms about being "immoral" (if a joke can be), but we are afraid of offending anybody with "racist, sexist jokes."

panchester07
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Post by panchester07 » 09 Feb 2010, 23:37

ahahaha I agree with you, I thought about that.... I think all should be fair in this thread and allowed in this thread, if we are already ignoring the immoral and the by far most cruel of all which is making fun of a disaster that took hundreds of thousands of lives away, then why would we care if we make fun of a woman and her rights, or of men and their idiotecness or whatever, because in the first place its not even true, women are as smart as men, and as capable and everything, so are african americans and asians .

We are all equal you have asian basketball players, african american golf players, a black president, many countries have female presidents...

It would be effed up to joke about it if its true(which so happens to be the case with Haiti), but since its not true, then why do we take it so seriously, ITS CLEAR THAT IT ISNT REAL...

When some one calls you a homosexual, do you care? No!! because its not true....

If you suck at a sport, and someone tells you you suck, do you care? Yes!! Because its true...

For that reason, women, different races, shouldn't be offended when a joke is said about them because IT ISNT TRUE..

last, everybody here is of a race, a color, a sex, a religion.. That means if in the worse case, a joke is said about a personal race, then that person could retaliate with a joke of the other race..

Do you agree with me?
Thats my opinion... Just pointing it out..
to know Him is to want to know Him more"


"i don't know where the limit is, but I know where it is not"

Tocar y moverse y tratarla siempre muy muy bien..'

bsc
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Post by bsc » 10 Feb 2010, 00:02

Immorality is common in jokes here because morals are a matter of opinion. Nobody shares the exact set of beliefs and morals, so there is no visible line to cross. Either a joke is funny to you, or it isn't. It might even offend you becaus of your belief set. This is still different than openly telling racist jokes. There are people in this world that think an individual race is genetically better than another. These people are bigots and don't have qualms judging and in some instances inflicting physical harm. This is not funny, just look at the American civil rights movement. Implying in a comical fashoin that certain peoples are less valuable than other peoples is just WRONG. That's my moral opinion, but it reflects on the truth that we are all created equal, and nobody has the right to say otherwise. While making a joke about someone's suffering isn't exactly productive, there's less negative effect on the world as a whole. I commend the mods for the anti-racism rule here, even if it seems sill
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soccer11
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Post by soccer11 » 10 Feb 2010, 01:34

Nat_H wrote:Off-topic sorta, but made me wonder why we have no qualms about being "immoral" (if a joke can be), but we are afraid of offending anybody with "racist, sexist jokes."
It's the Naughty jokes thread. that's the point. it's supposed to question your morality. If it's not your taste, then it's not your thread.
And yes, racist and sexist jokes aren't allowed because being offended for being called something racist is different than being offended because you're easily offend-able.
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Nat_H
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Post by Nat_H » 10 Feb 2010, 16:02

soccer11 wrote:
Nat_H wrote:Off-topic sorta, but made me wonder why we have no qualms about being "immoral" (if a joke can be), but we are afraid of offending anybody with "racist, sexist jokes."
It's the Naughty jokes thread. that's the point. it's supposed to question your morality. If it's not your taste, then it's not your thread.
And yes, racist and sexist jokes aren't allowed because being offended for being called something racist is different than being offended because you're easily offend-able.
I'm actually not offended by any of this, I just choose not to participate. I did have what I thought was a poignant question on this subject, so I asked.

klc123
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Post by klc123 » 10 Feb 2010, 16:49

racist and sexist jokes aren't allowed because being offended for being called something racist is different than being offended because you're easily offend-able.
Many people consider people who are offended by racism/sexism to be also easily offendable people. I can understand where your coming from.

I honestly wouldn't care if you made a racist thread towards white irish people because im proud to be white irish because thats what i am and i wouldn't want to be anything else so really you can't offend me.

panchester07
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Post by panchester07 » 10 Feb 2010, 19:41

Nat_H wrote:
soccer11 wrote:
Nat_H wrote:Off-topic sorta, but made me wonder why we have no qualms about being "immoral" (if a joke can be), but we are afraid of offending anybody with "racist, sexist jokes."
It's the Naughty jokes thread. that's the point. it's supposed to question your morality. If it's not your taste, then it's not your thread.
And yes, racist and sexist jokes aren't allowed because being offended for being called something racist is different than being offended because you're easily offend-able.
I'm actually not offended by any of this, I just choose not to participate. I did have what I thought was a poignant question on this subject, so I asked.
The racist and sexist jokes aren't like What do you call a panchester vs a panchester in basketball game?... They are jokes about races.. People should be smart enough to not take offence..

The same way it would be ridiculous for a person to take offense from a baby joke, it would be ridiculous for people to take offesne from a racist joke...

Sorry for the insisitance, I know its not gonna change anything, but I find it ridiculous..

How many black people are there in the world?
Asians? Whites? Women? Gaylords? Transvesties? Muslims? Christians? Mormon? Atheists...

theres drunk asians, stupid men, useless christians, crazy muslims, dumb blacks, idiot women..

Every race gender has good people in it, and not so good people...

If you know its not true, then don't take offense.. If it offends you you need some serious growing up to do :roll:
to know Him is to want to know Him more"


"i don't know where the limit is, but I know where it is not"

Tocar y moverse y tratarla siempre muy muy bien..'

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