The Naughty Jokes Thread

Talk about current events, entertainment, technology or anything not related to soccer
klc123
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Post by klc123 » 08 Jan 2010, 07:12

Nahh we can't have any racist jokes. Id also like to remind everyone that religion is included in racism, not that im complaining but with atheistic jokes your walking a very tight line to racism.

I like this thread, the scary one scared the crap out of me with the picture.

fir_nev
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Post by fir_nev » 08 Jan 2010, 07:29

klc123 wrote:I like this thread, the scary one scared the crap out of me with the picture.
No need to worry, that was just panchester07. RIP
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klc123
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Post by klc123 » 08 Jan 2010, 07:31

LOL

I was half way through writing a essay on rosa parks when i clicked on that, nearly shat my pants.

2brown347
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Post by 2brown347 » 08 Jan 2010, 07:57

I agree KLC, I've seen that picture multiple times before but it still is creepy.

2 racist walk into a bar.. wait.. upon review I don't think I can tell this joke but let it be known it was the single greatest joke of all time

NewBornProdigy
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Post by NewBornProdigy » 08 Jan 2010, 14:31

panchester07 wrote:@ NBP I find it completely stupid that in a "naughty jokes thread" where the logo says cant handle it look away, and you constantly repeat dont flip out you actually rate someone for it.. like really, really stupid..i just thought that i should mention that.. with out any drama
Panchester don't get involved, have an issue? PM me

The exact reason I rated him is because of the big 'strictly no racism' rule I posted up that scott disobeyed

He's a helpful member, but he broke a rule that was very clearly put there to avoid offense, we know how quick a topic can spiral out of control over stupid little sh*t, so... eliminate the stupid little sh*t

But for some strange reason I feel he'll sleep tonight

The poor blondes are getting an awful riding up the tush :D
Two blondes on a Elevator, says Taylor to Audrey "hey audrey it smells like dick in here" Taylor says "sorry aud, I just burped"
:lol:

Whats red, silver and walks into walls?
a baby with forks in its eyes

What's red, bubbly and scratches at the window?
a baby in a microwave

What's red and hangs from the ceiling?
a baby on a meat hook

Whats the perfect gift for a dead baby?
a dead puppy!

Whats better than nailing a baby to a wall?
ripping it off

why is buttsecks like spinach?
because if your forced to have it as a kid you wont enjoy it as an adult

theres a trucker driving along a country road, when he comes across a guy obviously in distress, who is tied to a tree. the trucker pulls up next to the guy. as he walks over, the guy is obviously massively relieved to see someone.
'thank god you are here, i was driving along this road, when i stopped to give directions to a couple of guys who were standing by the side of the road. when i pulled over, they threatened me with a gun, stole my wallet, phone, tied me up and drove off with me car.'
to which the trucker replies
'well today is not your day is it son,' as he starts to undo his belt

A little girl goes into a pet store and asks the clerk in her adorable little lisp: "Where do you keep the fuzzy widdle bunny wabbits?" Now the clerks heart melts, and he gets on his knees to be eye level with her and replies in the same tone: "Well which kind do you want? We have the fuzzy widdle brown ones and the fuzzy widdle white ones, which ones do you like?" The girl rocks on her heels for a bit, leans in and whispers: "I don't think my pet python weally gives a thit."

Warning extremely offensive joke below

What are the similarities between a dolphin and an orange?
They both live under water, except the orange.
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2brown347
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Post by 2brown347 » 08 Jan 2010, 15:48

NewBornProdigy wrote: why is buttsecks like spinach?
because if your forced to have it as a kid you wont enjoy it as an adult
Daniel Tosh anyone? :P You forgot to add that they're both green but thats obvious.

klc123
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Post by klc123 » 08 Jan 2010, 21:29

I donno if im getting the wrong end of the stick but is the dolphine orange thing actually a joke that im missing the point more than a john terry penalty or is it not actually a joke lol?

NewBornProdigy
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Post by NewBornProdigy » 08 Jan 2010, 21:30

klc123 wrote:I donno if im getting the wrong end of the stick but is the dolphine orange thing actually a joke that im missing the point more than a john terry penalty or is it not actually a joke lol?
No its just me being really stupid... Your actually supposed to laugh at the stupidity... LAUGH... NOW :evil: :wink:
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klc123
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Post by klc123 » 08 Jan 2010, 21:32

Oh thank god i thought i just didn't get it and was like "NO THIS CAN'T HAPPEN TO ME EVER.

LOLZOMFGPWNDROFLZORCOPTERED.

Thats how much i laughed.

NewBornProdigy
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Post by NewBornProdigy » 08 Jan 2010, 22:06

klc123 wrote:LOLZOMFGPWNDROFLZORCOPTERED.

Thats how much i laughed.
...You have satisfyed me this time...




God damn you laugh weird man... :P
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scottS4
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Post by scottS4 » 09 Jan 2010, 04:07

ok here are some of the worst ones i found that werent sexist or racist, (but reader discretion is advised)

whats slimy, bloody, and crawls up a womans leg?
-an abortion that got homesick.

What's the difference between an onion and a dead hooker?
-I cried when I cut up the onion.

A man calls into work and tells the boss he can't come in because he's sick.
"How sick are you?" asks the boss.
"Well, I'm currently screwing my daughter."

Why does an elephant have four feet?
-Six inches isn't enough.

A man enters a pharmacy and asks for birth control pills for his wife and his seven year-old daughter. The pharmacist is a little shocked and says, "Your seven year-old daughter is sexually active!"
"No," replies the man. "She just sort of lays there."

scottS4
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Post by scottS4 » 10 Jan 2010, 00:29

3 vampires walk into a bar.
The 1st one sits and orders a glass of hot blood, the 2nd sits and orders a glass of cold blood.
When the 3rd one sits down she orders a glass of hot water.
The bartender questions why the vampire would order hot water instead of blood. She reaches down and pulls out a used tampon and says, "I want tea."

Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner bar enjoying themselves, when Ted walks in looking distressed.
"Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks.
Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk, and then somewhere between here and my house, I was abducted by an alien?"
Everyone is shocked. "I heard about this kind of thing happening!" Bills says. "What did the alien do to you?"
"I don't remeber all the details," Ted says. "All I remember is being anally probed by the alien."
Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that!" Steve says. "What did the alien look like?"
Ted responds, "Carl."

Patrick, who was vacationing in the Bahamas couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice.
"Mate, it's obvious," says the lifeguard, "you're wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small - and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin' ya man... you'll have all the babes ya want!"
The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!
So he went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, "What's wrong now?" "Damn, Mate!" said the lifeguard, "The potato goes in front!!"

picking up woman is like playing cards, you dont have to be a good player if you've got a good hand!

ZackariusTime
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The Naughty Jokes Thread

Post by ZackariusTime » 10 Jan 2010, 01:00

So a drunk guy is walking down the road and sees a nun. So he starts running at her and plows her over and says "don't feel so tough now do ya batman"
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Everybody loves a little Hogan

KoNJa04
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Post by KoNJa04 » 10 Jan 2010, 06:52

Not that dirty or naught but funny when i first heard it...


So one day a man was at a bar along side a cliff, a second man in the bar who was also quite drunk comes up to him and says,

" i bet you i could jump off the cliff and float back up to the top"

the first man of course thinks the second man is crazy yet he watches, the second man jumps off the cliff and floats back up like he says, the first man was amazed, and the second man did it a second time jumping off and floating back up,

the first man thought, well if he could do it so can i, the first man jumps off the cliff and falls to his death,

when the second man re-enters the bar the bartender says "Superman your a real assh**e when your drunk"


No Offense to people from the planet Krypton
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If you desire that life then pursuit it.. end of story.. no buts, no hypothetical situations, no what ifs.. you want something go get it ..
~~Panchester07

bsc
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Post by bsc » 14 Jan 2010, 02:00

here's one I thought up, but don't have a last line to yet so any help would be appreciated. It's really juvenile but it makes me laugh.

nock nock

who's there.

i done up

i done up who? (i done a poo)

lol
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And the dreams that you dare to dream, really do come true

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