The Naughty Jokes Thread

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NewBornProdigy
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The Naughty Jokes Thread

Post by NewBornProdigy » 06 Jan 2010, 22:45

Ok we all know those horrible jokes which makes you question are you actually human, well this is the offical EF thread for them

The main point of this is to not take any of these seriously cause were just laughing at what awful people we are, no need to flip out about it

These are our rules to avoid any rowing which plauges other threads

-Racsim is strictly banned
-Sexism is strictly banned (unless you ladies start it :wink: )
-Expert is strictly Chuck Norris in this thread

-Important Note-
Because people might take offense from something very easily in this topic we ask you not to confront anybody about offensive material and report it to a member of staff (or preferably forget about it an don't look in this thread anymore) failure to do so will result in serious consideration for a ban

Any breaching of the rules stated above will result a long talk with your mum... wait no... a ban (especially the expert one)

Ok here's a few to start us off

-Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple...

-Whats worse than finding half a worm in your apple?
Rape

-There's this dad, sitting with his three kids. One of them says "Daddy, why is my name Rose?" The dad says "Well, honey, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal fell on your head. So we decided to call you Rose." The other said, "Daddy, why am I called Daisy?" And the dad said, "Well, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy petal fell on your head. So we decided to call you Daisy." Then the third kid says, "Abthosbsbbsbspt!!!" And the dad says, "Shut up, Fridge."

-How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Dunno, depends on how hard you throw them
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Rome_Leader
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Post by Rome_Leader » 07 Jan 2010, 00:44

When was the last good French barbeque? I'll give you a hint. It was in the 15th century and involved Joan of Arc.

... Hey, if a Mod can let loose, you guys can too! FOLLOW MY EXAMPLE.
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MUFC1994
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Post by MUFC1994 » 07 Jan 2010, 01:04

What's the difference between a porche and a bag of dead babies?

I dont have a Porche in my garage..... :shock:
"The road to athletic greatness is not marked by perfection but the ability to constantly overcome adversity and failure."

klc123
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Post by klc123 » 07 Jan 2010, 01:45

^^ rofl.

Does the expert rule mean only expert is allowed to do Chuck Norris jokes?

A school bus was on the way to school.
The bus went over a large bump.
The school children ran to the bus driver to ask what he had run over.
"A rabbit" he replied
The kids all started crying.
Later on the Bus hit another bump.
The school children again, ran to the bus driver to inquire what he had hit.
"A fox" he replied
The children all cried again back to their seats.

After some time, the bus hit a further two bumps, in quick succession.
The school children ran crazily to the bus driver demanding to know what he had hit.
"It was an old aged pensioner" replied the bus driver.
"But what was the second bump???" said a quick-thinking child.

The bus driver answered.

"I had to go up on the curb to get em."

Heres another good one i like

One day a little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mummy, I got a pound. The mother asked, "Where did you get the pound from?"
The little girl replied, "Billy next door gave me a pound for doing hand stands while he watched me from the tree house in his garden."
The mother replied, "You silly girl! Don't you know that Billy is just trying to see your panties?"
''Ohhh'' said the little girl.

The following day the little girl came running into the house again, yelling, "Mummy, I got ten pounds today! The mother was shocked and asked "Where on earth did you get ten pounds from?"
The little girl replied, "Billy invited all his friends round and they gave me ten pounds for doing cartwheels while they watched me from his tree house ."
The mother replied, "You silly girl! How many times do I have to tell you-"

Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mummy. I tricked them, I didn't wear my panties today!''

Lol

shahensha
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Post by shahensha » 07 Jan 2010, 02:16

lmao i love expert jokes

Expert's keyboard doesnt have a ctrl key. He is always in control

Expert can kill two stones with one bird.



On the first day of their honeymoon in the caribbean, a couple walk by a small house on the beach with a naked woman lying on the porch with her legs spread and eating grapes.

The man wonders and asks his wife, "would you ever try that?" and she refuses with absolute disgust

The next day, the couple witness the same thing on their walk and the husband asks his wife the same question, getting the same response in the end.

This continues for the whole week of their vacation. On the final day, the man asks the same question and after getting the same response as always, he asks her "could you atleast go ask her how its like lay there naked with her pussy wide open in view and eating grapes?"

So the wife hesitantly walks up to the naked woman to ask her the question, to which the woman responds :"I dont really know but atleast it keeps the flies off my grapes"
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NewBornProdigy
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Post by NewBornProdigy » 07 Jan 2010, 14:16

shahensha wrote:On the first day of their honeymoon in the caribbean, a couple walk by a small house on the beach with a naked woman lying on the porch with her legs spread and eating grapes.

The man wonders and asks his wife, "would you ever try that?" and she refuses with absolute disgust

The next day, the couple witness the same thing on their walk and the husband asks his wife the same question, getting the same response in the end.

This continues for the whole week of their vacation. On the final day, the man asks the same question and after getting the same response as always, he asks her "could you atleast go ask her how its like lay there naked with her pussy wide open in view and eating grapes?"

So the wife hesitantly walks up to the naked woman to ask her the question, to which the woman responds :"I dont really know but atleast it keeps the flies off my grapes"
I don't get it? :D :?
Does the expert rule mean only expert is allowed to do Chuck Norris jokes?
No expert is chuck norris, as shahensa showed


What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mother.

What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
No one to talk to during orgasm.

A nun entered a taxi and the driver goes "would you ever have sex?" and the nun goes, "well only if we were married and we didn't have kids and we went to church every sunday". So the driver says "Well, I don't have any kids and I go to church every sunday. will you **** me?" and the nun goes "welll......... ok but only if you take me from behined". So screwed each other and the driver goes "Haha! sucker! I've got 10 kids and I've never been to church a day in my life" and the nun started laughing and goes "AND I"M JUST A MAN GOING TO A COSTUME PARTY!!!"

Dead Baby Jokes (I'm going to hell)

whats worse then 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
1 dead baby nailed to 10 trees...

what sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender?
i dunno, i was to busy masturbating

whats the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?
I dont fu** a sandwich before I eat it

whats the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls?
you can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork
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RisenFromDeath
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Post by RisenFromDeath » 07 Jan 2010, 16:12

Describe rape in terms of sports.
Its lyk playing golf with a moving hole

KoNJa04
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Post by KoNJa04 » 07 Jan 2010, 21:41

Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquuito stops suckin when u slap it :p
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If you desire that life then pursuit it.. end of story.. no buts, no hypothetical situations, no what ifs.. you want something go get it ..
~~Panchester07

scottS4
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Post by scottS4 » 07 Jan 2010, 22:38

whats the difference between 15 dead babies and a ferrari?

i dont have a ferrari in my garage

panchester07
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Post by panchester07 » 07 Jan 2010, 22:40

Whats the difference between 16 dead babies and a Armani shirt?

I dont have an armani shirt in my closet :lol:

PLEASEE, PLEASEEEE CAN I SAY SOME SEXIST JOKES ?? I BEG YOU
to know Him is to want to know Him more"


"i don't know where the limit is, but I know where it is not"

Tocar y moverse y tratarla siempre muy muy bien..'

scottS4
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Post by scottS4 » 07 Jan 2010, 22:48

what is the hardest part about banging a five year old?

-getting the bloodstains out of your peter pan costume afterwards


A Traveling salseman knocks on a door, and a 10 year old opens it smoking a cigar and drinking a beer The salesman asks "are your mommy or daddy home?" the Kid says "What the fu** do you think"


A guy stops to visit his friend, who is paralyzed from the waist down. His friend says, “My feet are cold. Would you get my sneakers for me?”
The guy goes upstairs, and there are his friend’s two gorgeous daughters. He says, “Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to have sex with you.”
The first daughter says, “That’s not true.” He says, “I’ll prove it.” He yells down the stairs, “Both of them?” His friend yells back, “Of course, both of them.”

-Removed-

NewBornProdigy
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Post by NewBornProdigy » 07 Jan 2010, 23:56

panchester07 wrote: PLEASEE, PLEASEEEE CAN I SAY SOME SEXIST JOKES ?? I BEG YOU
Just give me a reason and I'll slap you fool!

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Scott last jokes racsit... :roll:

I did warn ya
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panchester07
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Post by panchester07 » 08 Jan 2010, 03:15

Those jokes where awesome Scott!! dont get discouraged for that 1 rating..

@ NBP I find it completely stupid that in a "naughty jokes thread" where the logo says cant handle it look away, and you constantly repeat dont flip out you actually rate someone for it.. like really, really stupid..i just thought that i should mention that.. with out any drama

How about this one..
Theres a punk in a bus, you know those ones with a mohawk and orange hair, filled with earings and tattoos...
Then, an old man walks in and sits down, he starts starring at the punk at looking at him weirdly..
The punk notices this and is a disturbed and bugged, he says "Whats the matter old man, where you in your youth a good boy and dont understand me or what"...
As the old man replies "Nope, me In my youth I was a bit crazy and I fu**ed a rooster and im trying to see if your my son or not you big son of a bitch"..........

Okay it might not be that funny, but a guy said in a show on air like at 4.00 pm when he wasnt supposed to, and this womans first show and she started freaking out on air because he was cussing like this..

In a 4th grade class the teacher walks in and says "kids lots of concentration, because we are gonna talk about a delicate subject, masturbation"... Little bobby stands up and says, "excuse me teacher, can those of us that already fu**ed a ho can we go to the Lunch Break because I rather smoke myself than listen to you you stupid old woman"

sorry if that was to mean, thats a direct translation aswell

two blondes where talking. And one asks the other "what are you gonna ask to santa" he says, the same thing I ask to Santa, 50 the fu**, and 20 the suck......

Says a guy to a blonde? So whats your position on the petition of the bosnian government to independize from the Serbian Government? And the blonde says wll I dont know that position but my favorite position is when a guy puts my against the wall and breaks my ass while my teeth penetrate the wall and my nails break of the strength he is smashing my ass with..

Says a blonde to the other, oh baby, did you know that I realized yesterday, that carrots are good for vision.. Really, how said the other.. "I put a carrot up my ass and I could see the stars"

Two blondes on a Elevator, says Taylor to Audrey "hey audrey it smells like dick in here" Taylor says "sorry aud, I just burped"
Last edited by panchester07 on 08 Jan 2010, 05:02, edited 1 time in total.

Wanderer
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Post by Wanderer » 08 Jan 2010, 05:01

panchester07 wrote:Those jokes where awesome Scott!! dont get discouraged for that 1 rating..

@ NBP I find it completely stupid that in a "naughty jokes thread" where the logo says cant handle it look away, and you constantly repeat dont flip out you actually rate someone for it.. like really, really stupid..i just thought that i should mention that.. with out any drama
Seconded, more of that Scott, lol. And don't bother bout the ratings they jz want to stamp their authority lol.

What's the diff between doing the laundry and doing a gal? When doing the laundry, you need to stick it in then turn it on.

Kinda crappy but made it up on spot so...

Why do blondes wear those big earrings?
So they hav some where to rest their ankles.

panchester07
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Post by panchester07 » 08 Jan 2010, 06:18

Says one sperm to the other one, hey mate, are we in the ovaries yet? No calm down, were barely in the thoat!
to know Him is to want to know Him more"


"i don't know where the limit is, but I know where it is not"

Tocar y moverse y tratarla siempre muy muy bien..'

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