Parental Help (well help toward parents, not for parents)

Talk about current events, entertainment, technology or anything not related to soccer
Kakasgotskillz
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I've been having this problem, ever since I was around 12 years old. I came to Canada at the age of 3, and of course, I am almost full chinese descent. My parents are basically your "ideal" asian parents, with the traditions and everything.

That's the problem though. I've always wanted to live my own life, cuz I feel like my parents are controlling my life. Them and their stupid morales always keep me from doing things that I enjoy doing, stuff like:

They want to know everything about my life (like if I wanted to go to the movies, they would want to know what movie i'm watching, what it's about, the rating, who's going, if there are girls, the time of the movie, and then they would have to arrange to bring me there and back even though it's within my ability to get there myself with my friends)

They're so strict on friends (they won't let me date until I'm in university, and when they caught me with a girlfriend one time we had to break up because of them, and they even banned some of my friends from coming to my house because they think that they're bad influences for me)

They believe in this thing that if they let me do one thing, I can't do another because I'm apparently asking for too much (if I go to soccer one day, I won't be able to hangout with friends the next even if I don't have anything to do the next day)

Basically, they're the type of parents that believe that kids just sit in class quietly and watch the teacher while copying down notes at school, and the ideal form of hanging out with friends is by coming over and playing video games and sports (that might be fun, but they don't know anything about parties, clubs, and stuff). It's like they're completely oblivious, and I'm being held back. I'm 15, and in my second year of high school, and I've never even been to a high school party yet! That's rediculous.

It's getting to the point where I can't stand listening to them talk, and rediculing me for the littlest reasons (like leaving socks on the ground, not putting shoes back on the rack, etc.). The problem also is, when I try to tell them, they think I'm not mature enough to have freedom and they think I'm not focused enough on school (even though I'm getting around 90 averages and they're still controlling my life), and when I try to compare my friends, they say that every family has their own rules. But, I respect them as my parents, and I would never do anything like running away from home or something stupid like that. I want them to understand that I'm losing my social life cuz of them, and I don't want to be the only kid I know who is forced to hangout with his parents every weekend and have them know where I am at every point in my life.

Sorry for the long writing, but those are my feelings. I really need some advice, cuz I want to get my life back on track and do the things that I want to do (soccer, work-out, friends).

Kakasgotskillz
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Joined: 13 Dec 2006, 20:15

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Btw, I asked alot of my friends about this and they either joked around with me or gave me advice that was completely useless (like "talk with them" or "just sneak out and hang out"). I want a concrete solution to this.

zcm12
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Joined: 15 Apr 2008, 03:55

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Alright Concrete solution (I hope): Do what your parents say. Who cares about a social life. It's not the end of the world if you can't hang out with friends very often. And this whole thing about you wanting to go to parties. Why? What's the point besides to get drunk and high and impreagnate your girlfriend. If your parents let you play soccer be happy about it. If you were still in China you would probably be attending a boarding school where your life is ALWAYS controlled. I know because I spent the past 10 years there (i'm not Chinese). Anyways just get over it. At least your parents don't beat you or do drugs. So be happy that you got good parents.
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Flyingmoose
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dont listen to zcm he sounds like my mom. Dam man sounds like you are the only one who has stricter parents then you. The man always wants to hold you down but sometimes you have to with the system a little to get your way. just cuz you hang with your friends and have a friend doesnt mean you have to get your pregnant or when you hang with your friends get high or drunk. how old are you? You should talk to them and say that you are old now and you have to have a life and if they dont listen dont listen to them. Sounds bad but sometimes you gotta do it. you could also make a system where work earns time with your friends.

Hugh
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Location: Vancouver

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I have two friends with parents like this, and there's not much I can advise you to do about it other than talk to your parents. Yeah, I know, bad idea right, but what I suggested to one of my friennds (and worked for him) was that he should divide and conquer, so he talked, alone, to his mom, and kept bugging her about it (because talking to his dad would have been a shitfest) and eventually she gave in and talked to his dad and now he's better off than he was before.

My advice is try to work on the nicer parent, the one that's not so anti-social life because if you work on them long enough they'll talk to the other one and you should be able to reach a compromise.

The only other thing I can say to you is talk to them, both, together, at the same time. (You'll get the nerve to do this when you're angry at them and they think nothing's wrong)

Just talk to both of them: "Mom, Dad, I understand that you want what's best for me and I understand that you want me to do well in school but this isn't China. I have friends here who are dissapointed every time they ask to hang out and I can't because you won't let me. I have all the free time I need to hang out with them, and I can get there on my own but I can't go and see my friends and have fun because you won't let me.

I understand that things were different in China, but in Canada I want to spend time with my friends, not play video games all day."

Parties are harder to get them to come around to, you could try going to a "sleepover"...

zcm12
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Flyingmoose wrote:dont listen to zcm he sounds like my mom. Dam man sounds like you are the only one who has stricter parents then you. The man always wants to hold you down but sometimes you have to with the system a little to get your way. just cuz you hang with your friends and have a friend doesnt mean you have to get your pregnant or when you hang with your friends get high or drunk. how old are you? You should talk to them and say that you are old now and you have to have a life and if they dont listen dont listen to them. Sounds bad but sometimes you gotta do it. you could also make a system where work earns time with your friends.
Hey flyingmoose I AM YOUR MOM! And after I finish off this ounce imma come to your room again like I did last night and hear you scream for your daddy! HAHAHAHA I'm just kidding.
I was talking about parties man not just hanging out with friends. I hang out with my friends all the time. Anyways I was just trying to give him some advice that would actually help him. Not get him in trouble like your advice.I think that Hugh's advice is good.
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fir_nev
Sgt. I can't get enough of Asian chicks
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With their typical mindset that they must protect their children, U must stay cool and not rebel too much. Listen to what they have to say sometimes but shut Ur ears when they nag. Me? I had no life till I was 17. Sucks, I know. We definitely cannot change their thinking overnight. There will be too much debate. Relax, make the most of Ur time with friends and do not go on to be those smart people who went to school shooting at students. Now, I just dump what they had to say and do things my own way. Ur character will grow overtime, just be patient.
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unknown
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im gonna go the other way on this and say: do what you want they really cant stop you. that doesnt mean that you should go out all night drinking and partying but it means that if u want to go to a party let them know u r going and that u will b responsible then go. they can tell u ure grounded or something but that really shouldnt stop you. im not saying go out and disobey them and get into their faces and fly off the handle and stuff. u shud handle it maturely and talk to them but affirm the fact that they just have to trust u (which is easier if u give them reason to) and let u make ure own decision. also i agree with what was said b4 ure parents arent bad parents they just worry and care about u a lot so u shud take into account their feelings. good luck

messi19
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I think you need to say to your parents "Im 15 now, I should be allowed to act like a 15 year old kid. Im a sensible kid and wont do anything to upset or make you feel ashamed, I will help you do house chores like washing up, hoovering, washing the car" etc.... and ask your parents to let you have more social life espically because your a teenager and your growing up and you've got to see the real world at some point. Study hard at school, help your parents and they will give the rewards you deserve.
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fir_nev
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U can also show them Ur world. Not too much, though! I, once, invited them to watch my Sunday league when I was 15 and they were convinced that I had gone for training and games after that. I mean, take small steps first and then, try to talk them into giving U more and more. It is the small things that counts, initially.
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bsc
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Lie? JK :D
everone elses advidce seems pretty good
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Middleman13
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Dude.

Just do what you can for now to live with it.
When my parents do that i just lie alot and went to hang with friends and stuff.

But think of it thise way. 10th? grade?

You only have 3 yrs left of high scholl then you get to leave and do what ever the hell you want. soooo...
Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you will die today.

soccer_after_death
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Joined: 21 Jun 2008, 19:57

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man I just have to tell u.. Reading thru ur "story" was like when I thought of all things that suck in my life... Not joking, my life is the same, probably worse than urs. Its gradually improving though. I found that making them socialize with locals helped a lot when they see how they live. If not, u could just tell ur parents about the life ur friends have( don't say a whole bunch of things, and give them time to think over it) . Also , with my folks , I made them watch lots of local TV shows, and they again see the way people live. They don't accept it immediately , but they gradually accept it. Never, ever nag them about things. If ur parents are what i think theyre like, this probably. If none of this works, just make excuses... " I'm going outside for a run/ to train/ soccer" and go to a friends house or on a date :p. And lastly, I just typed all this from my iPod touch, and if u know what that's like, u would start thanking me right now.hope that helped... Whew...
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BuzzingBee
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My parents are so similar perfect childe perfect everything,simple and structured lifestyle etc..first of all prove to them you are responsible,they love you and have your best interests at heart,second of all Kakasgotskillz if you want to be a pro soccer player then like you should only worry about soccer and working your way up that ladder,thirdly set your priorities straight which i think would be
school so you get your homework done in time so you have way more time to play,so you improve faster therefore reaching a higher goal,which is your main thing,your priorities should be school,soccer,friends ,honestly friends come and go,but yeah if you feel like your being suppressed then honestly figure out the reason WHY and prove their queries wrong, and if you want to experience the house party scene simple get like four friends some beverages and find a place there your done honestly drinking isn't the greatest thing you get hungover the next day,and have ppl tell you crazy stories you regret over the phone,really bad pics of you up on the internet just a bunch of teens getting smashed and doing retarded things while under the influence not a bit deal it is fun but it kind of slows you down by the end of the day and drinking has many cons and your underage anyway,theres a reason for that too and if your a serious athlete then you can make sacrifices and i can honestly say your not missing out on much,the club scene is pretty dangerous thats why it is like eighteen and up again its like loud music some lights in a big dark room with strangers and friends jumping up and down once again not missing out on much,but yeah again if you really want to check it out just get a fake ID i know some locations :wink:
and do they even like your friends,think of the main reasons why,take everyones advice to consideration and do what best suits you and your lifestyle and if all turns out for the worse just think of this only two more years to go and then I'm out ,btw grade eleven is a slap in the face and whatever you do don't rebel,you'll end up losing respect and they'll breath down your neck even more but if you want to get it out your system you better find a good way to con your parents which i don't suggest like if your the type that does things instead of listen and take advice anyways thats all i can say,best of luck.
Practice and drive are all you need, You will become good, if not great, and then, if you wish to go further, the opportunities will come to you - Rome_Leader

BuzzingBee's at it again
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Ahmed_Khan
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Joined: 03 Jul 2008, 20:04

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@kakasgotskills

alright first of all i didn't read all of your post read most of it but its 5 15 am in the morning here and im feeling kinda tired so here it goes,im asian,Pakistani to be exact so i'd be able to know a bit about the perfection thing and being overprotected phase you are going through.listen the same thing used to happen to me,i started going to a club and almost made it as a professional...used to go with a friend lets call em Mr.X anywez a championship came up ,they didnt let me play ofcourse i was heartbroken,saw pics of my friend in a newspaper and that devastated me at the time i hated them for doing it but guess what? they did protect me well.firstly there's no future here in football i.e im talkin about Pakistan so they knew i wouldnt end up being some gr8 player who came from a lower level...then what??? Mr.X my friend nowadays as his parents dont really care what he does is an alcaholic,heavy smoker,playboy and a drug user and he's also spread his qualities to all of my other mates who used to play along us!!! and now when i look bak i thank my parents for holding me bak otherwise i'd end up being in the same place and one more thing u're only 15 though it might seem much but you're still very young so dont worry always look beneath you and ull see some people dont even have what you have then only then you could appreciate the things you have.....another thing is yes miracles do happen but in the real world if you dont study hard and get urself on ur two feet you're screwed so studies should be first priority,the bottom line being that parents though might do things that hurt your feeling but they;re for ur own good after all you're 15 and they're much older than you and have lived more in the "Real World" so get a reality check and dont worry for some freedom comes a bit earlier and for some a bit later,you'll soon find that as time passes you'll be more trusted and given more freedom so dont worry and focus on the important things in life....hope this helps........
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