Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of
sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but
was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question
How many martial arts experts does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and Chuck Norris to turn the planet.