Jokes

Talk about current events, entertainment, technology or anything not related to soccer
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matt
EF Forum Legend
Posts: 1150
Joined: 03 May 2005, 19:20
Location: Cambridge, England

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i dont get it......

how do u confuse a footballer?

put him in a round room and ask him to sit in the corner
The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.

matt
EF Forum Legend
Posts: 1150
Joined: 03 May 2005, 19:20
Location: Cambridge, England

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how do u amuse george bush for hours?

write PTO on both sides of a piece of paper
The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.

jcdenton
Veteran Member
Posts: 925
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 18:45
Location: Belgrade, Serbia

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hehe...
:D

ratko mladic has been accused for massacre over muslims in srebrenica... :lol: you get it now? it's monty python-like humor...

but it wasn't actually massacre, serbian forces were defending their territory against one part of al quaeda terrorists, they just killed some terrorists, and somebody filmed it, and now they are trying to prove that these were civilians... yeah, sure, and why then did they wear army clothes and boots before they were caught... but i don't want to talk about politics, it never brought joy anywhere...

so, what does the gipsy do at the PC?
he's searching for recycle bin! :lol:

and here's a real, true gipsy story:
there was a poll once: "what do you think about dog sterilization?"
and they've asked the gipsy for opinion:
-so, what do you think about it?
-take away all their teeth!
-no no no, it's sterilization, they can't have babies...
-but they won't f**k me, they'll bite me...

or the other poll:
-so, what do you think about hygiene in city?
-well good, it's going well downtown, there are many girls, and everything, and how you?...how are you? what do you do? will i come out at tv, now.... well, good...

matt
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Joined: 03 May 2005, 19:20
Location: Cambridge, England

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how can u drop an egg 6 feet without breaking it???

by dropping it 7 feet - it wont break for the first six
The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.

matt
EF Forum Legend
Posts: 1150
Joined: 03 May 2005, 19:20
Location: Cambridge, England

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if a dog is tied to a rope 15 feet long how can it reach a bone 30 feet away???

the rope isn't tied to anything
The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.

matt
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Joined: 03 May 2005, 19:20
Location: Cambridge, England

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1) Poor Broohlyn Beckham is stuck on his maths homework. 'Dad' he yells, 'will u help me with my homework?'

'I don't know son,' says David. 'It wouldn't really be right, now, would it?'

'Probably not, Dad,' replies Brooklyn, 'but have a go anyway'

2)George Bush walks into a pet shop and asks for a pound of bird seed. 'How many birds have u got, Mr President?' asks the shopkeeper.

'None yet,' replies Bush 'but I'm hoping to grow some.'
The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.

matt
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Joined: 03 May 2005, 19:20
Location: Cambridge, England

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The England team have to go for an IQ test. First up is Steven Gerrard.

'OK Steven', says the questioner 'what is 2 x 2?'

'Erm...is it two thousand and eighty four?' replies Gerrard

'Not quite'...replies the questioner. 'OK, Frank (Lampard), do u know what 2 x 2 is?'

'Is it..Tuesday?' answers Frank

'Almost. OK David (Beckham), do u know the answer?'

'It's four', answers David confidently.

'Brilliant!' exclaims the questioner. 'How did u get that?'

'Oh it was easy. I just subtracted two thousand and eighty four from Tuesday!'
The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.

matt
EF Forum Legend
Posts: 1150
Joined: 03 May 2005, 19:20
Location: Cambridge, England

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What do u do when George Bush throws a pin at u?

Run lyk crazy - he's got a grenade in his mouth
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Ronaldinho10
Moderator
Posts: 585
Joined: 16 Apr 2005, 15:06

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:D These jokes are very funny - well played Matt :D

jdefoe
Forum groupie
Posts: 856
Joined: 25 Sep 2004, 14:35
Location: Canada

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what do bin laden and pantyhose have in common?

they both irritate the bush

Bennij
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Posts: 14
Joined: 07 May 2005, 06:52
Location: Kuala Lumpur

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A joke about Manchester United's recent season:

Osama bin Laden has been captured in Man Utd's trophy room. He said it reminded him of the Afghan caves, COLD, DARK, EMPTY and recently taken over by Americans.

matt
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Joined: 03 May 2005, 19:20
Location: Cambridge, England

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very funny...

what is the difference between alex ferguson and god?

god doesn't think he's alex ferguson.....
The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.

matt
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Joined: 03 May 2005, 19:20
Location: Cambridge, England

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George Bush was very excited the day he went shopping and a shopkeeper showed him a Thermos flask. 'What does it do?' asks George

'Well,' explains the shopkeeper. 'It's a very clever device that keepes cold things cold and hot things hot.'

'Wow' says George, 'that's brilliant. I'll take one.'

'The next day in the White House, Donald Rumsfeld comes up to him and says 'Whats that, Mr President?'

'That', replies George proudly, 'is a Thermos flask. It's a very clever device that keeps cold things cold and hot things hot.'

'Brilliant! What have you got in it?' asks Donald

'Three ice creams and a cup of coffee'.
The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.

matt
EF Forum Legend
Posts: 1150
Joined: 03 May 2005, 19:20
Location: Cambridge, England

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why did David Beckham wear a fish's outfit on the pitch?

he thought he was the team's kipper
The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.

HJK
Senior Member
Posts: 114
Joined: 21 Feb 2005, 01:38

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Ronaldo, Zidane and Beckham are all at the gates of heaven.
Ronaldo steps up first and the guy says well Ronaldo you are a world cup champion, and you've defined everything samba is supposed to be so u can come in.

Zidane steps up next, the guy says" well zidane you are also a world cup champion, you have amazed us all with your skill and ability so you can come in

Now Beckham steps up , the gatekeeper says " so i guess u want your ball back"

in case u dont get it ( hint Euro 2004 ) :lol:

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