Jokes

Talk about current events, entertainment, technology or anything not related to soccer
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matt
EF Forum Legend
Posts: 1150
Joined: 03 May 2005, 19:20
Location: Cambridge, England

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there is now a hotline for disgruntled newcastle fans. the number is

0800 - 1 nothing - 1 nothing - 1 nothing
The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.

jcdenton
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Posts: 925
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 18:45
Location: Belgrade, Serbia

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want a joke?
you know that kezman is always a reserve in chelsea, so in serbia we have a comparison: i am bored like kezman in chelsea....

Wiseman_philosopher
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Joined: 11 Apr 2005, 10:05
Location: Bristol

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jcdenton wrote:want a joke?
you know that kezman is always a reserve in chelsea, so in serbia we have a comparison: i am bored like kezman in chelsea....
lol i dont get serbian humour.
He who thinks too much about every step he takes will stay on one leg all his life.

jcdenton
Veteran Member
Posts: 925
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 18:45
Location: Belgrade, Serbia

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you need to be born here to understand it :D
it is a bit like black humour...
i like british humour...especially from "Men behaving bad" :D :D :D

fir_nev
Sgt. I can't get enough of Asian chicks
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Joined: 10 Mar 2005, 09:25
Location: Singapore
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The Kezman joke is fine with me.

British jokes.... yes... I like watching Kumars and many more.
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MadRed
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Posts: 11
Joined: 09 Apr 2005, 13:21
Location: Tallinn, Estonia

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The Estonian football team is playing against Brazil. Already 4 minutes gone and the Brazilian coach announces: "Men, there´s nothing for us to do here! Let´s leave Ronaldo on the field and go get a drink!" So, Ronaldo is alone on the field, while the others are in the pub. In the end of the game they return and find that the score is 1:1. The brazilian coach gets angry: " Ronaldo, what the hell? What is this?!" Ronaldo tries to explain: " But..i got a red card on the 6th minute..."

...just a little local joke :wink:
Armasta jalgpalli endas, mitte ennast jalgpallis...

Wiseman_philosopher
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Posts: 641
Joined: 11 Apr 2005, 10:05
Location: Bristol

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A little better. :lol:
He who thinks too much about every step he takes will stay on one leg all his life.

matt
EF Forum Legend
Posts: 1150
Joined: 03 May 2005, 19:20
Location: Cambridge, England

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yea i herd tht 1 b4

except it was scotland instead of estonia :D

heres another:

y do beckham and owen get confused by their new spanish team-mates?

they cant tell juan frm the other
The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.

coop8
Senior Member
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Joined: 24 Mar 2005, 01:44

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:lol: I like that

matt
EF Forum Legend
Posts: 1150
Joined: 03 May 2005, 19:20
Location: Cambridge, England

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got some more -

1) how do u confuse a footballer?

put a rake and a shovel against a wall and tell him to take his pick.


2) David Beckham walks into training with a ferret on a lead. Zidane asks him "Why hav u got a ferret?" Becks replies "I got it for Victoria." Zidane smiles. "Good swap."

3) Beckham is driving along a busy road when the phone rings. He answers and it's Victoria. "David, be careful. There's a man driving on the wrong side of the road you're on." she tells him.
Becks replies nervously "They've got it wrong. It's not one car, it's thousands of them...."
The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.

jcdenton
Veteran Member
Posts: 925
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 18:45
Location: Belgrade, Serbia

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what about this one:
two guys are talking:
-did you hear that serbia and montenegro and bosnia and herzegovina are going to play a match this weekend?
-A match? i thought it was going to be a tournament!

frizzyan
Veteran Member
Posts: 612
Joined: 31 Oct 2004, 04:09

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Haha my jokes to diss ARSEnal:

If you're trapped in a room with a vicious murderer, a ferocious beast, a perverted rapist and a ARSEnal fan, and you knew that your life was endangered so you had a gun and 4 bullets with you, what would you do?

(Shoot the ARSEnal fan of course! FOUR TIMES!)

matt
EF Forum Legend
Posts: 1150
Joined: 03 May 2005, 19:20
Location: Cambridge, England

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a skydiver is falling through the air when he makes the startling discovery that his parachute is broken. Alarmed, he sees David Beckham flying upwards towards him. 'Hey' he asks, 'do u hav any idea how to fix a parachute?' Becks replies 'no. any idea how to work a gas cooker?'
The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.

matt
EF Forum Legend
Posts: 1150
Joined: 03 May 2005, 19:20
Location: Cambridge, England

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two policemen are driving along when they see a car driving very dangerously, weaving in and out of lanes for no reason. they stop it, suspecting the driver to be drunk, and ask him to blow into a tube. the driver gets a prescription out of his pocket which says ' This man is asthmatic. Please do not ask him to blow into anything.' so the police ask for a blood sample, and he gets another prescription which says 'This man is a heamophilliac, please don't take any blood out of him.' so the police reluctantly ask for a urine sample, and the driver gets out a note from his wife, which says 'My husband is a Scottish footballer, please don't take the piss out of him!'
The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.

jcdenton
Veteran Member
Posts: 925
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 18:45
Location: Belgrade, Serbia

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how do you recognize a blind man on a nude beach?
he can't have an errection... :D


ratko mladic has a talk show, and some man wants to ask a question to his guest and ratko asks him: "hi, what's your name?" "mustafa"
-so, mustafa where are you from?
-srebrenica.
-impossible! :D :D :D black humor

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